US President Joe Biden has reportedly embraced the Seventh-day Adventist NEWSTART health program to prepare for his next debate. Following his recent debate performance that left Democrats concerned, Biden’s team is pulling out all the stops to ensure he’s in top form.
“I’m committing 100% to NEWSTART,” Biden allegedly told advisors. “Nutrition, Exercise, Water, Sunshine, Temperance, Air, Rest, and Trust in God – that’s my new campaign strategy.”
Sources close to the President claim he’s already implemented daily walks in the Rose Garden for sunshine and exercise, switched to a plant-based diet, and installed air purifiers throughout the White House. Biden has also reportedly replaced his usual ice cream with carob-covered date rolls from the Loma Linda Market.
“We’re seeing improvements already,” an anonymous staffer shared. “The President’s speech is clearer, his eyes aren’t wandering as much, and he hasn’t called anyone ‘Jack’ in days.”
Critics argue that adopting Adventist health principles won’t address policy issues, but Biden’s team remains optimistic. “If it works for the Blue Zone in Loma Linda, it can work for the White House,” they insist.
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