LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University have officially confirmed that carob remains about as appetizing as chewing on cardboard, despite its much-touted health benefits.
Carob, the bane of many an Adventist child’s existence, has long been pushed as a nutritious chocolate alternative. Boasting a fiber content that could keep you regular for weeks and more antioxidants than a kale smoothie, carob has been a staple in Adventist circles for decades.
The study found that while carob is undeniably healthy, many would rather eat vegan cheese than endure its unique flavor profile. Participants described the taste as a mix between old dates, burnt toast, and regret.
Historically, health enthusiasts have praised carob for being caffeine-free and low in fat, but most consumers would gladly chug an energy drink than subject themselves to carob’s dry, crumbly texture.
During the study, samples of various carob products were distributed, eliciting reactions ranging from polite grimaces to outright revolt. Many questioned why anyone would choose carob over chocolate when they look so similar but taste like they’re from different universes.
Dr. Carla Beets, the lead researcher, stated, “While we applaud efforts to promote healthier lifestyles, it’s clear that carob is about as popular as last week’s salad leftovers.”
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