In a festive faux pas that has set tongues wagging throughout the Advent Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church, Sister Joy Goodcheer, wife of Pastor Nick Goodcheer, was mistakenly identified as a Christmas tree by the church’s self-appointed “Sweater Scrooge,” Elder Ebenezer Grump.
The incident occurred last Sabbath morning when Sister Goodcheer arrived at church wearing her prized handcrafted sweater, a dazzling green creation adorned with twinkling battery-operated lights, shiny ornament-shaped buttons, and a star-shaped brooch at the collar. “I thought it would bring a little cheer to our winter sermon series on Daniel,” Sister Goodcheer explained, still visibly flustered.
However, her festive attire caught the attention of Elder Grump, who had been waging a one-man war against what he terms “Christmas creep” in the church. Mistaking Sister Goodcheer’s elaborate sweater for an actual Christmas tree, Elder Grump promptly unplugged her lights and attempted to escort her off the premises.
“We can’t have pagan symbols in God’s house,” Grump was overheard muttering as he ushered a protesting Sister Goodcheer towards the exit.
The commotion drew the attention of Pastor Goodcheer, who rushed to his wife’s defense. “But Ebenezer,” he pleaded, “that’s not a Christmas tree. That’s my wife!”
Elder Grump, however, remained unconvinced. “Nice try, Pastor. I wasn’t born yesterday. I know a Christmas tree when I see one, and this one’s got to go. Ellen White would never approve of such… illumination.”
The situation was only resolved when Elder Grump, in his fervent attempt to escort Sister Goodcheer out of the church, tripped over his own “Bah Humbug” shoelaces. As he stumbled, he instinctively grabbed onto Sister Goodcheer’s sweater for support, stretching the fabric and revealing its true, sweater-like nature. Red-faced and tangled in tinsel-like yarn, Elder Grump begrudgingly admitted his mistake. However, he still insisted that Sister Goodcheer keep her twinkling lights off for the duration of the service, muttering something about “excessive holiday luminescence” being a distraction from the sermon.
When asked for comment, Pastor Goodcheer sighed and said, “We’re just thankful my wife wasn’t wearing her ‘Burning Bush’ sweater. I fear Brother Grump might have called the fire department.”
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