President Donald Trump has announced the appointment of recently terminated Seventh-day Adventist pastor Ron Kelly as US “Anti-Wokeness Czar.”
The announcement came via Trump’s Truth Social platform, where he declared, “Just got the BEST guy to help us FIGHT THE WOKE MOB! Ron Kelly knows how to stand up to the establishment. He’s gonna help us MAKE AMERICA UNWOKE AGAIN!”
Kelly, who was removed from his position at the Berrien Springs Village Church by the Michigan Conference, seemed unfazed by his swift career change. “Well, I’ve gone from preaching to the choir to preaching to the nation,” Kelly quipped in a statement.
When asked about his qualifications for the role, Kelly cited his experience saying, “I’ve got years of practice interpreting cryptic messages. Ever read Revelation? Makes Trump’s tweets look like child’s play.”
The announcement has sent shockwaves through the Adventist community, with reactions ranging from bewilderment to outright indignation. The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists hastily convened an emergency Zoom meeting, where leaders debated whether Kelly’s new role violated the church’s long-standing principle of separation of church and state. Meanwhile, local Adventist congregations reported a sudden surge in attendance at their weekly Bible prophecy seminars, with many members convinced that this unexpected turn of events must surely be a sign of the end times.
In response to the uproar, Kelly defended his decision, stating, “Look, if Daniel could advise Nebuchadnezzar, I can certainly advise Trump. Besides, have you seen the state of potlucks lately? Someone needs to take a stand against quinoa salads and avocado toast. It’s time to make Special K Loaf special again!”
Trump, for his part, seemed oblivious to the controversy brewing within the Adventist community. In a follow-up post on Truth Social, he wrote, “Ron tells me Adventists know all about fighting the DEEP STATE. They’ve been doing it for years! We’ve got ourselves a winner. MAGA!”
Image: YouTube – Village Seventh-Day Adventist Church
SPONSORED LINKS Follow @BarelyAdventist .
