In a stunning display of divine guidance and technological innovation, the General Conference of the Seventh-day Adventist Church announced today that its new ElectionBuddy 2.0 electronic voting devices have a feature that ensures the Holy Spirit’s vote is always tallied with the majority.
“It’s a marvel of modern engineering and spiritual alignment,” said a beaming church spokesperson. “With the push of a button, not only do we get an instant and accurate count of the human delegates’ votes, but the Holy Spirit’s vote is automatically registered. And it’s never a surprise! The Holy Spirit, in its infinite wisdom, always chooses to vote with the majority, ensuring perfect harmony and swift decision-making.”
The new system, which was met with thunderous applause and a few confused murmurs, is expected to streamline future sessions. “Think of the time we’ll save!” an elder exclaimed. “No more waiting for that ‘still, small voice’ to guide the collective will. The Holy Spirit’s preference is now clear, immediate, and perfectly aligned with the popular vote.”
Critics, however, voiced concerns. One delegate, who wished to remain anonymous, whispered, “What if the majority is wrong? What if the Holy Spirit actually wanted to vote with the minority?” The church leadership quickly dismissed these doubts, stating that such a scenario was “theologically and technologically impossible” and that any such concerns were “non-compliant, heretical and super inconvenient in how they could slow the vital work of editing the church manual by committee.”
