Tuesday, November 4, 2025

Things Adventists Will Happily Drop Big Money On

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Adventists are usually the kind of people who think long and hard before making a purchase. We’re the coupon-clipping, veggie-meat–buying, “do we really need the deluxe Pathfinder sash?” kind of crowd. But when we do decide to spend, oh boy, the wallets open wider than a church potluck door at 12:15 p.m.

Here are a few areas where Adventists will gleefully splash the cash — for reasons both holy and hilariously human:

1. Adventist Education: The Ivy League of Denominational Guilt
We’ll take out second mortgages to send our kids to Adventist academies and universities — even if the cafeteria food still tastes like 1983. Why? Because “there’s no price tag on Adventist values” (except there is, and it’s about $40,000 a year).

2. The “Blessed and Highly Favored” Car
You know the one. Parked in the first row every Sabbath. Shiny. Washed Friday afternoon before sunset. Driven only to church, potlucks, and sometimes Camp Meeting — where it magically doubles as a humble brag and a mobile sanctuary.

3. The Sabbath Rolex
Because what says “rest in the Lord” better than checking the time on something that costs more than your kid’s college tuition? (Bonus: it’s perfect for glancing at during those long special music preludes.)

4. Name on the Side of a Building
Some Adventists don’t just give — they donate visibly. A new gymnasium? “The Elder and Mrs. Whipple Multipurpose Faith & Fitness Pavilion.” Because nothing says “laying up treasures in heaven” like your name in 3D lettering on the fellowship hall wall.

5. Church Control Investments
Others prefer their philanthropy a bit more… strategic. You know the type: “I’ll cover the new pew cushions — as long as the board keeps my niece as Sabbath School leader.”

6. Mission Trips (with Air-Conditioned Vans)
Many will sacrifice savings for overseas service — and we love them for it. Some might even upgrade their flight to “premium mission class,” but hey, souls are being reached, and that’s what counts.

7. Anonymous Giving
Then there’s the truly selfless giver. The one who quietly covers someone’s tuition or buys the church’s new livestream setup — and doesn’t even tell the pastor. (Though, to be fair, sometimes the “anonymous” part gets suspiciously revealed at the next board meeting.)

8. Camp Meeting Cottages & RVs
Some people camp. Adventists glamp. Air conditioning, full kitchens, and Wi-Fi for streaming Hope Channel — all in the name of “fellowship.”

9. That New Church Piano Nobody Asked For
If your congregation has ever had a “fundraiser” that mysteriously started after someone already bought the piano, you know what I mean.

10. Wellness Retreats & Herbal Miracles
From detox juicers to imported frankincense oil, Adventists are known to drop cash on anything that promises “natural healing.” (Just don’t mention caffeine — that’s still a test of faith.)

Bottom Line:
Whether it’s for ego, evangelism, or an engraved cornerstone, Adventists have a knack for mixing faith and finances. At our best, we give with heart. At our funniest, we give with… branding opportunities.

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