16 Things Adventist Pastors Secretly Hate About Their Congregations
They love you… but also, wow.
-
1. The ‘Pastor, We Need to Talk’ Ambush
Always said with the tone of someone about to fire you from a job you don’t technically have. -
2. The Conspiracy Theorists
“Pastor, have you researched the Jesuit infiltration hidden inside the lyrics of Lift Up the Trumpet?”
No. No, they have not. -
3. The Member Who Only Shows Up to Complain
Never misses a complaint. Misses everything else. -
4. The Member Who Is Always Reporting You to the Conference
They’ve got the Ministerial Director on speed dial.
“Hello? Yes, it happened again.”
The pastor hasn’t even done anything yet. -
5. Passive-Aggressive Prayer Requests
“Please pray for certain people who don’t return texts… and you know who you are.” -
6. The Potluck Police
“Pastor, did you see WHO brought meat? Is this still an Adventist church?” -
7. People Who Say They Want Change… Until It Happens
“We want more young people.”
Young people show up → “Not like that.” -
8. When the Congregation Thinks the Pastor Can Read Minds
“No one told you about the funeral? But everyone knew.” -
9. The Theological TED Talker in Sabbath School
That one guy who says, “Just a quick point…”
It’s never quick. -
10. The Whisperers During the Sermon
You think the pastor can’t see you. The pastor can see everything. -
11. The “I Don’t Do Kids Ministry” People
But they absolutely do critique kids ministry. -
12. The Eternal Nomination Committee War
Trying to escape offices like it’s The Hunger Games. -
13. Last-Minute Special Music Cancellations
“Pastor, we can’t do it today.”
Pastor begins humming It Is Well alone. -
14. Members Who Weaponize Ellen White
She’s a prophet, not a lightsaber. -
15. The People Who Think the Pastor Only Works on Sabbath
“Must be nice to have a one-day-a-week job.”
Yes, Brenda. So relaxing. -
16. The Person Who Times the Sermon on Their Watch
Click.
Pastor’s blood pressure rises.
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