A sugary investigation into Adventist irony
Some Adventist facts are so ironic you can’t make them up:
Little Debbie — the Empress of Snack Cakes, Queen of Swiss Rolls, and Supreme Ruler of the Oatmeal Creme Pie — is owned by a devout Seventh-day Adventist family.
Not the church.
Not the General Conference.
Not the Health Ministries Department (though imagine the chaos).
No — the McKee family, faithful church members, Sabbath keepers, and long-time Adventist philanthropists, built one of America’s biggest snack empires. Meaning the same community that brought you haystacks and caffeine anxiety also brought you Cosmic Brownies.
Which raises the question no Adventist child ever asked while unwrapping a Zebra Cake:
Would Ellen G. White — Adventist prophet, health reformer, and longtime enemy of sugar overload — approve?
Let’s look at what she actually said.
Ellen White vs. Sugar: The Real, Verified Quotes
These are not rumors. These are word-for-word from Ellen White’s writings:
1. Sugar = brain fog and crankiness.
“Sugar is not good for the stomach. It causes fermentation, and this clouds the brain and brings peevishness into the disposition.”
— Counsels on Diet and Foods, p. 327
Translation: Cosmic Brownies → Cosmic Attitudes.
2. Cakes and pastries cause indigestion.
“Far too much sugar is ordinarily used in food. Cakes, sweet puddings, pastries, jellies, jams, are active causes of indigestion.”
— The Ministry of Healing, p. 302 / CD 327
Translation: She basically predicted the modern vending machine.
3. Sugar “clogs the system.”
“Sugar clogs the system. It hinders the working of the living machine.”
— Counsels on Diet and Foods, p. 327
Translation: Ellen White describing every Little Debbie product ever sold.
4. Sugar + milk together? A health apocalypse.
“Large quantities of milk and sugar eaten together are injurious… They impart impurities to the system.”
— CD p. 330 // Testimonies 2:368–369
Translation: She would have invented a prophecy specifically for Banana Pudding Rolls.
5. But… she wasn’t a sugar abolitionist.
“We have always used a little milk and some sugar… The time had not yet come for sugar and milk to be wholly abolished from our tables.”
— Letter 5, 1870 / CD 330
Translation: Sugar in moderation = OK.
Sugar as a lifestyle = No.
So… Would Ellen White Approve of Little Debbie Being Adventist-Owned?
Let’s imagine the meeting.
Ellen White walks into McKee Foods headquarters.
Little Debbie smiles politely from every box.
- Ellen White: “Cakes and pastries are causes of indigestion.”
- Little Debbie: Hands her a Swiss Roll.
- Ellen White: “Sugar clouds the brain and brings peevishness.”
- Little Debbie: Smiles harder.
- Ellen White: “Sugar clogs the system.”
- Little Debbie: Radiates innocence.
- Ellen White: “We have used a little sugar…”
- Little Debbie: Winks.
Friends?
Absolutely not.
Would Ellen White personally eat a Cosmic Brownie?
Only if an angel forced her.
Would she condemn the McKee family for building a successful business?
Surprisingly, probably not.
She believed in enterprise, family industry, financial independence, and meeting people where they are — even if “where they are” is halfway through a box of Nutty Bars.
Final Verdict
Ellen White and Little Debbie would not hang out.
But they could coexist — one preaching health reform, the other quietly funding Adventist mission projects through snack-cake capitalism.
And honestly?
That might be the most Adventist sentence ever written.
Before you go, let’s be honest: Ellen White would definitely side-eye Swiss Rolls, but she’d probably support Barely Adventist—because while Little Debbie has a billion-dollar Adventist family empire behind her, this quirky, truth-telling, heritage-loving, gently-roasting ministry has only you. If you laughed, nodded, cringed, or felt spiritually affirmed reading this article, that means you get what we do: we make Adventists laugh at ourselves, remember who we are, and stay just self-aware enough to avoid becoming a full-blown prophecy chart. Your Patreon support helps us write more uncomfortably accurate Adventist humor, make visuals the GC would definitely not approve, stay independent, and give thousands of Adventists the joyful, honest content they didn’t know they needed. If Little Debbie can sweeten America, you can sweeten Barely Adventist—so help keep this hilarious, heritage-rich, slightly unhinged ministry alive by joining our Patreon at patreon.com/BarelyAdventist. Head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.
