COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist Frank Stewardson confirmed Friday that purchasing a Costco hot dog remains fully compatible with the church’s teachings on health, temperance, and financial responsibility—specifically because it still costs $1.50.
“Look, I didn’t make the rules,” Stewardson said, speaking softly in the Costco food court while carefully avoiding eye contact with the onions. “Inflation is real. Stewardship matters. And frankly, at this price, it would be irresponsible not to eat it.”
Witnesses say the justification process followed a familiar Adventist pattern, beginning with a brief acknowledgment of the health message, followed by a much longer discussion of grocery prices. Stewardson reportedly reminded nearby family members that Ellen White never explicitly mentioned Costco, food courts, or hot dogs served with free refills.
“If the Lord didn’t want us to eat this,” Stewardson added, gesturing reverently toward the foil-wrapped frank, “He wouldn’t have protected the price for decades.”
Observers noted that Stewardson employed several classic Adventist reasoning techniques, including comparing the hot dog favorably to fast food “out there,” emphasizing that it was eaten standing up (thus not a meal), and pointing out that mustard is technically plant-based.
The incident concluded with the hot dog being consumed in silence, followed by a brief but intense recommitment to eating plant-based “starting tomorrow.” Stewardson later vowed to balance things out by purchasing organic blueberries in bulk and reminding himself that balance is key.
At press time, Stewardson was last seen returning his shopping cart “for witness,” reassuring himself that grace—like the Costco hot dog—is affordable, widely available, and mysteriously enduring.
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