Breaking: Mueller Report Almost As Exciting as Adventist Church Manual

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An independent panel of experts with nothing better to do have just completed an exhaustive reading of the recently-released Mueller Report and the most up-to-date edition Read more […]

ABCs Stop Carrying Old Testament Due to All the Sex, Violence and Drugs

Adventist World — Adventist Book Center outlets will no longer carry copies of the Old Testament due to what the stores call “stratospheric levels of sex, violence and drug abuse contained in Read more […]

Wilson and Jackson Resolve to Wear Matching Friendship Bracelets Throughout 2019

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what the GC is calling “the ultimate sign of bromantic, compliant UNITY,” General Conference President Ted Wilson and North American Division President Dan Jackson have Read more […]

Struggling Barnes & Noble to stock veggie meat and Ellen White books

USA — Struggling bookstore giant Barnes & Noble has announced a bold turnaround plan that it is hoped will inject new life into its tired financial statements. As of next month, the DVD Read more […]

Pastor fired for using Adventist church manual as door stop

PORTLAND, Ore. — An Adventist pastor has been terminated after he was caught using the church manual as a door stop. When asked to explain his behavior, Pastor Frank Laughlez of Grace Conditional Read more […]

Adventist Book Center sued for false advertising

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A lawsuit has been filed against an Adventist Book Center after the store put “signed” copies of the Bible on display. Although the shrink-wrapped Bibles caused a dramatic Read more […]

Landfills beg Adventists to stop carpeting cities with free Great Controversy paperbacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Waste management authorities in cities across the country have joined voices to formally implore the General Conference to stop mass distribution of free copies of the Adventist Read more […]

Slide Show: 10 reasons to love an ABC store

Ahhh, there’s nothing quite like a well-stocked ABC! And we do mean an Adventist Book Center, and not those pretender-to-throne types found all over Hawaii.

ABC stores stock veggie cheese that doubles as emergency candle

A new brand of vegetarian cheese has just hit the shelves of Adventist Book Centers. Marketed as a “multi-purpose product,” Durocheeze is not only a “delicious” cheese substitute but also comes Read more […]