CDC Labels Hymnals Super Spreaders
ATLANTA, Ga. — Adventist hymnals are headed for the dumpsters after a statement released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention calling the volumes “super spreaders.” The CDC Read more […]
Biden Grills Harris On Pathfinder Pledge & Law Ahead Of Loma Linda Campaign Stop
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Within hours of announcing California Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate, Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden cleared his schedule to test his VP on what he Read more […]
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Dilemma: Should I Pay My Taxi Driver On Sabbath?
Hi BarelyAdventist readers, I’m writing this in a cab on the way to church and I wanted to get your take on whether or not I should pay my driver. I really would rather not pay my fare Read more […]
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GC Executive Committee Letter Of Warning To Biden Over Female VP Commitment
Dear Vice President Biden, We got the news that you are planning on choosing a female running mate. This letter is our warning to you that you are heading down a slippery slope by Read more […]
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FAITHFUL: Local Adventist Labels Every CDC Recommendation A Religious Liberty Denial
ADVENTIST WORLD — Local Adventist Bill Miller has spent the last several months on social media in a bold crusade against the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Regardless of what Read more […]
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Fundamental Beliefs Back Down To 27 Due To Budget Cuts
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets. “We realize Read more […]
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Defunded Campus Security Departments Auction Off Whistles
ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets. The auction Read more […]
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GC San Antonio Voting Tech To Rescue US Election
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Foolproof voting tech guaranteed to prevent any kind of foul play or delay in results has been identified to rescue the US general election from voter fraud. The General Read more […]
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Elon Musk To Send Student Missionaries To International Space Station
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Following the news SpaceX has safely brought NASA astronauts to the International Space Station and back, company CEO Elon Musk has announced he will be sending up student Read more […]
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Baby Dedication Could Have Gone Better
Dear Church Family, I thought it would be best to just email everyone and admit the obvious: last Sabbath’s baby dedication was a total train wreck. As senior pastor, I should have held Read more […]
