Annual Council To Be Held In Chernobyl
SILVER SPRING, Md. — After endless fun at last year’s Battle Creek-based Annual Council, church administrators have announced that the meetings will, yet again, be held away from the General Read more […]
ABC Stores Rattled As Walmart Opens Hot New EGW / Veggie Cheese Aisles
ADVENTIST WORLD – The Adventist Book Center chain is officially under siege after an announcement from Walmart that the retail giant is not just going to stand by and let someone else cash in Read more […]
Share this:
Sharpie Used On Prophetic Chart
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the second time in a week, it appears that Oval Office Sharpies have been used to alter illustrations. This time, a far more cheerful, pink color was used. And instead Read more […]
Share this:
Nicki Minaj Announces Retirement, Donation Of Entire Wardrobe To Adventist Community Services
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — Rapper Nicki Minaj followed the shocking announcement of her retirement with another tweet saying that she was donating her entire stage wardrobe to Adventist Community Read more […]
Share this:
AV Guy Lacks Spiritual Gift Of Song Service Slide Advancement
Tone Deaf, Mich. — Joyful Noise Adventist Church members are at a loss as to what to do with their AV guy, Han Sauver, who has yet to get through a single service without forgetting to advance Read more […]
Share this:
GC Crafts Abortion Statement Because Members Can’t Think For Themselves
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A new draft document expressing the Adventist position on abortion is being prepared for Annual Council this year because Adventist members are unable to think, pray Read more […]
Share this:
Pathfinder Glamping To Replace Roughing It
ADVENTIST WORLD — After complaints from thousands of Pathfinders and counselors that traditional Pathfindering is way too rough, clubs around the world will now only offer Read more […]
Share this:
Adventist Dictionary Defines Labor Day As “Unsabbathy Sabbath”
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The official Adventist dictionary that makes sense of everything from 1844 to “the daily” defines Labor Day for the first time in its latest edition. The volume defines Read more […]
Share this:
Michigander Risks Life, Enrolls At La Sierra
LANSING, Mich. — Born and bred in Michigan, Peli Groso put everything on the line last Friday and enrolled at La Sierra University. Donning a bulletproof vest, Groso quietly told only his Read more […]
Share this:
Tower of Babel Completed Thanks To Stirring Rendition of “Love in Any Language”
TODAY in Ancient Mesopotamia — Builders that had been slaving away at the tower of Babel hit what could generously be described as a “communication snag” earlier in the morning when they discovered Read more […]
