Musk Moves Tesla To Southwestern Adventist University

Keene, Tex. – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has continued to encourage a California exodus by announcing the relocation of Tesla from Palo Alto to an extension of Southwestern Adventist University’s Read more […]

North German Union Votes To Reignite Penpal Relationship With GC

HANNOVER, Germany – On April 25, members of the North German Union Executive Committee voted to rekindle what, quite frankly, had been a sputtering penpal relationship with the General Conference. Delegates Read more […]

Adventist Oscars To Celebrate Best Sermon PowerPoint Slides

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Department of Compliant Creativity has announced the first ever Adventist Oscars ceremony.  “Rather than celebrate anything cinematic, we will Read more […]

GC Session Won’t Feature Seating For Women’s Ordination Fans

Due to what General Conference Session organizers termed “post-COVID space considerations” the upcoming meetings will not feature seating or yellow vote cards for supporters of women’s Read more […]

Controversial Vote To Decide Location Of Second Coming Lift-Off Area In GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Later today, General Conference leaders will be voting on the hotly-debated topic of where in the HQ’s parking lot to gather at the time of the Second Coming. So far nobody Read more […]

PAW Patrol: The Movie To Be Set In Loma Linda

Everyone’s favorite pups will not be saving lives in their hometown of Adventure Bay in PAW Patrol: The Movie. The hotly-anticipated feature-length production is instead set in California’s Read more […]

Comedy Central Welcomes Aboard Retiring GC Exec Secretary GT Ng

In a bid to diversify its programming, Comedy Central has signed retiring General Conference Executive Secretary, GT Ng. Known as the funniest Adventist alive, the Singaporean will host Committee Read more […]

Pastors’ Wives Win Back Pay For Years Of Unpaid Labor

FINALLY: The US Supreme Court has ruled to award Adventist pastors’ wives backpay for all the unpaid work they have done simply because of their marriage to a pastor. In the ruling, the justices Read more […]