WASHINGTON, D.C. — An independent panel of experts with nothing better to do have just completed an exhaustive reading of the recently-released Mueller Report and the most up-to-date edition Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has filed for bankruptcy after what it called an “apocalyptically-devastating insurance claim” filed by the Notre Dame cathedral this week. ARM Read more […]
WASHINGTON, DC – This week, US Homeland Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen resigned her position after 16 months on the often controversial job of deploying Trump-era security tactics aimed at keeping Read more […]
Speedlane, Calif. — Pastor Cal Rolinstop was already later than usual when he cut off a red SUV in a cartoonishly un-Christlike manner about half a mile from church last weekend. To the recently-ordained Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time ever, a list of Adventist royalty has been published. The overwhelmingly male and graying list featured 1888 names, half of which were top-level church Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Minutes after news that special prosecutor Robert Mueller had submitted his report, the US Department of Housing and Urban Development held a press briefing to say that HUD Read more […]
WEIMAR, Calif. — The fashionistas on Netflix hit Queer Eye have offered to take on an entirely pro bono project in doing a makeover of Weimar Institute’s dress code. The five grooming gurus Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist deacons across the denomination have been given the authority to drive out confirmed over-socializers with whips if they do not clear the sanctuary within 15 minutes Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A brand new oversight committee concerned exclusively with Sabbath wading, was announced in the General Conference auditorium this morning. Armed with bulky measuring sticks, Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A massive renovation project has transformed the General Conference auditorium into an echo chamber featuring cutting-edge technology that ensures those inside the hall Read more […]
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