COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — A 50-something man who was formally declared missing by his family last weekend has been found in a church committee meeting Bo Ludo sheepishly admitted to local reporters Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — After years of painful study, deliberation and taste-testing, Seventh-day Adventist leaders have decided to increase the already hotly-debated number of permissible haystack Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — High heels are a thing of the past as far as the Seventh-day Adventist Church is concerned. In a memo released this morning, church leaders banned heels in church for Read more […]
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina — The largest smuggling scandal in Adventist history erupted yesterday as the Buenos Aires Port Authority charged the Argentine Seventh-day Adventist Church with trafficking Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing an urgent need to “start somewhere,” General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have hired a somber feline by the name of Grumps as the first Read more […]
https://youtu.be/s_NmeOPoBeI SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time in Seventh-day Adventist history, General Conference leaders have promised church members that their guardian angels will Read more […]
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — In a completely unprecedented innovation, chicken sandwich chain Chick-fil-A has announced plans to open its very first vegetarian restaurant on the campus of Southern Read more […]
KEENE, Texas — Retired Southwestern Adventist University Communications Director Ventista Banxie was arrested this morning while spray-painting an abandoned building. Despite the long-time Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS WASHINGTON, D.C. — The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced this morning that after years of rigorous study, modern science can conclusively prove that calories consumed Read more […]
ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — What was supposed to be a morning flaunt with a certain sinful caffeinated beverage turned into a lesson from God yesterday morning. Felipe Sucre was already running late Read more […]
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