Bathroom Breaks Banned During Offering
ADVENTIST WORLD — In a bid to revive flagging offering tallies, Church leaders have banned bathroom breaks during offering appeals and collections. “It seems Adventist bladders always fill Read more […]
Walter Veith to Reveal Year of Second Coming at GC Session
ADVENTIST WORLD — The wait will soon be over for Walter Veith fans that need clarity on the approximate date of Christ’s Second Coming. The internet ministry personality promises to reveal Read more […]
Share this:
Women’s Ordination Debate Generates Enough Heat to Replace Fossil Fuels
ADVENTIST WORLD — Skyrocketing gas and oil prices are forcing people to look at alternative sources of energy to heat their homes. Energy researchers say Adventists are incredibly fortunate Read more […]
Share this:
Musk Announces Plans to Buy General Conference
BOCA CHICA, Texas — The world’s richest man has recently taken an interest in the Adventist Church. Elon Musk became fascinated with the denomination after watching The Record Keeper, a Read more […]
Share this:
GC: La Sierra-Based Baptisms Require Redo Elsewhere
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — A flood of rebaptisms is expected to hit Southern California after a GC edict released earlier today requiring anyone baptized on or near the La Sierra University campus, Read more […]
Share this:
Pastor Suing British Union Conference for Making Him Work on Sabbath
WATFORD, Herts. — A stressed out, nearly-ordained pastor has filed a religious discrimination lawsuit against the British Union Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. The Adventist minister claims Read more […]
Share this:
Bad Driver’s Guardian Angel On Stress Leave
HEAVEN — After enduring several traffic close calls this week due to the horrendous driving of his 25-year-old protectee, guardian angel Passencius filed for stress leave this morning. “Brad Read more […]
Share this:
Chimarrão Revealed As Secret to Adventist Growth in Brazil
BRAZIL — After a decade-long study of both the practical and philosophical underpinnings of Adventist church growth in Brazil, a team of Andrews University researchers have concluded that chimarrão, Read more […]
Share this:
Church to Introduce Entrance for Introverts – No Greeters
ADVENTIST WORLD – Hot-breath “Happy Sabbaths” and COVID-transmitting handshakes are turning off introverts that just want to be left alone when they come to church on Sabbath morning. After Read more […]
Share this:
Adventist App Shows How Your Body Will Look In Heaven
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — ADVENTBOD, an Adventist startup based on Loma Linda University campus, promises subscribers realistic renderings of how their bodies will look in the sweet bye and bye. Depending Read more […]
