Adventist leaders announce “haystacks-related” 29th fundamental belief

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- A new fundamental belief for the Seventh-day Adventist Church is in the pipeline according to an official statement from the General Conference. Although the exact language Read more [...]
Posted in Adventist Food, Fundamental Beliefs, Haystacks | Tagged , | 22 Comments

Trump not opposed to a registry of Adventists either

NEW YORK, N.Y. --- After drawing fire this week for seeming to support a US registry of Muslims, real estate magnate and presidential candidate, Donald Trump has done what he usually does in the Read more [...]
Posted in Ben Carson, Donald Trump, Prophesy, Religious Liberty | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

Bald Adventist pastor wonders why bears aren’t devouring his critics

CRANKY CORNER, Mont. --- Senior Pastor Fred Uhp of Mockingjay Lane Seventh-day Adventist Church has begun to openly complain to his staff about the lack of dangerous wildlife surrounding the church Read more [...]
Posted in Church Growth | Tagged , , , | 19 Comments

Adventist Church removes “ultra-violent” Onward Christian Soldiers from hymn book

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have admitted that, given substantially heightened tensions around religiously-motivated violence, there is no place for the Read more [...]
Posted in Adventist Music | Tagged , , | 32 Comments

Adventist Church: earrings ok if they double as timepieces

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a dramatic reversal of its traditional anti-jewelry stance, the Seventh-day Adventist Church has released a statement declaring that earrings are acceptable attire for Read more [...]
Posted in Jewelry | Tagged , , | 30 Comments

Forbes rates Walla Walla most expensive way to get married in America

  NEW YORK, N.Y. --- In Forbes Magazine's annual review of American wedding costs, a four-year-or-more education at Walla Walla University has been rated as the most expensive way to get Read more [...]
Posted in Adventist Parents, Dating, Marriage, Walla Walla University | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Adventist Church exempts sleepy Ben Carson from caffeine ban

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In an absolute first for the Adventist Church, world leaders have come to a majority decision to allow a caffeine ban exemption for the denomination's most fatigued member: Read more [...]
Posted in Ben Carson | Tagged , , | 42 Comments