South American Division HQ Moves to Buenos Aires After Argentine Copa América Win

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina —— Moving vans are currently en route to Buenos Aires after a decision by Adventist leadership to move the South American Division headquarters to the Argentine capital. “Our Read more […]

GC Approves ‘Black Widow’ As Adventist-Appropriate Due To Non-Leadership Role In Avengers

Silver Spring, Md. —— In a shocking move, the General Conference has released a statement fully authorizing Adventist members to view Marvel’s Black Widow on opening weekend.  “We Read more […]

Blue Origin Flight: Doug Batchelor To Join Jeff Bezos / Present “Amazing Space Facts”

KENT, Wash – It’s confirmed: Doug Batchelor is going to space with Jeff Bezos on the Blue Origin flight scheduled for later this month. Bezos has invited Batchelor as a “guest speaker.” Read more […]

Adventist Keyboard Manufacturer Solves Tithing Problem

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Previously drooping tithing totals around the world have shot up 144 % thanks to the arrival of the first Adventist-made keyboard from Silver Spring, Maryland-based Stew W. Read more […]

Song Service Leader On His 4th “Happy Sabbath Church!” Clearly Just Killing Time

Leafy Glen, Tenn. – His first overly-chipper “Happy Sabbath Church!” helped snap members out of their late morning slumber at the start of divine service last weekend. The (predictable) repeat Read more […]