Adventist Version Of “The Bachelor” Canceled After Last Eligible Man Marries

It’s been a rough day for producers of The Adventist Bachelor, an Adventist reality show promising to be the best thing to happen to Adventist television since Doug Batchelor’s first on-stage Read more […]

Adventist Husband Celebrates 24 Hours Of Being Right While Wife At Women’s Retreat

Not since his single days has Adventist business owner, Chase Lindgren, enjoyed such an uninterrupted period of flawless decision making. After his wife took off for her women’s retreat this Read more […]

Altar Call Length Doubled To Make Up For Time Lost During COVID

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Office of Quality Assurance has announced that, as churches start to open up for in-person services, altar call will need to be twice as long. “COVID Read more […]

Desperate Housewives Of Loma Linda To Debut On Hope Channel

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – In the first Adventist attempt at a reality show, Hope Channel started filming The Desperate Housewives of Loma Linda earlier this week. The all-Adventist cast of the Read more […]

GC: Sarah Thomas Commissioned, Not Ordained To Officiate Super Bowl

SILVER SPRING, Md. – This morning the General Conference addressed the status of Sarah Thomas, the first female to officiate the Super Bowl. “While we acknowledge that Thomas made history Read more […]

Southern Adventist University Fining Students For Coffee Breath

Collegedale, Tenn. – Always on the forefront of Adventist student regulation, Southern Adventist University announced today it has started fining students for coffee breath. Any student accused Read more […]

Church Leadership Vows Not To Give Up Positions As Easily As Trump Let Go Of His

SILVER SPRING, Md. – General Conference leaders along with their regional counterparts around the world have released a joint statement expressing disappointment at how little of a fight they Read more […]