Local Adventist health enthusiast, Gus Beanz, has declared that his vegetarian diet produces what he calls “holier emissions.” “It’s simple really,” Beanz explained, barely containing his excitement. Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University have officially confirmed that carob remains about as appetizing as chewing on cardboard, despite its much-touted health benefits. Carob, Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — An Adventist family’s dog named Samson has developed some unique habits. The Johnson family of Silver Spring first noticed something was up when Samson began to sit quietly Read more […]
The General Conference Nominating Committee announced today that they are putting forth additional Adventist candidates for the 2024 US presidential race. “After the runaway success of Dr. Read more […]
It all began innocently enough when both Sam and Lily Thompson stumbled into their kitchen and found themselves knee-deep in a festive seven-layered mess of plates and forks left behind by church Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. – The General Conference has announced a ban on all chocolate products containing coffee or alcohol, effective immediately. To enforce the new policy, the GC has hired a team Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Tired of showing up late to Sabbath School because you refused to start your car on holy time? Fear not, weary Adventist traveler – the General Conference has you covered Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Local Adventist gamer Landon Reese invoked the rarely used “ox in the ditch” clause this past Sabbath to continue working on beating a particularly difficult video game Read more […]
In a misguided attempt to connect with younger churchgoers, Pastor Brock “The Rock” Johnson of Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church found himself in a precarious situation after trying to emulate Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. – In a stunning reversal of long-standing policy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has announced that Adventist universities and colleges may now teach about Read more […]
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