Amazing Fact: Doug Batchelor to join Dancing with the Stars

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Sacramento, CA — In a surprise announcement, Doug Batchelor’s organization Amazing Facts has stated in a press release that Batchelor will be joining this year’s season of “Dancing With the Stars.”  The move is being described by Pastor Batchelor as a way to “take television outreach to an amazing new level.”

“Listen, I’ve done almost everything.  I’ve had a busy television ministry for decades, I’ve done huge revival speaking tours and I’ve reached newbies with seeker-friendly speaker series in major cities around the world.  What I haven’t done yet is get on a mainstream show as a contestant.  I think this may be the new frontier of outreach.”

Reactions to the news have been mixed.  “This is the coolest thing I have ever seen Doug Batchelor do,” said 22-year-old Jana Bigson.  “I never used to be into his show but I think I might start watching his stuff now that I know he’s got rhythm.  My parents will be so happy!”

Older Adventists have been more measured in their response.  “This is definitely a risky move,” says 63-year-old Ben Cummings.  “No form of dance is ever the solution to any problem, period.”

Addressing traditional Adventist aversion to dancing, Batchelor said, “Not all dancing is created equal.  Let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water.  Some dance is downright biblical.”

“I mean David danced,” he continued.  “Of course we all know it was a cross between a Pathfinder marching drill, jumping jacks and full lunges — all done with emotion.  My routine will incorporate all of these sanctioned elements, set to uptempo music with absolutely no beat.  It’ll be unlike anything ‘Dancing with the Stars’ has ever seen.”

Given this explanation, many faithful Amazing Facts viewers were both surprised and delighted.  “I think it’s a perfect example of being in the world but not of it. There won’t be an ounce of sexy in Pastor Doug’s routine,” said Renee Lee, a regular viewer of his show from Des Moines, Iowa.

Batchelor agrees.  “I’m not going for sexy.  I aim to be 100% appropriate but I do want to show the world some serious Adventist fitness while I’m still young enough.”

Quick Reminder for the Comment Section: Every post on BarelyAdventist is satirical.  As in, the news story you just read was not literally real.  The “Adventist satire and humor” tag and the “About” section make that abundantly clear.  This blog is written by committed Adventists that believe that humor is a great way to discuss Adventist culture and issues.  This it not a place for hotheads.  Rude, judgmental comments or other attacks will be deleted.  On the other hand, if you feel you can contribute to the discussion in a constructive and friendly “inside voice”, then have at it!


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    1. It didn’t get a laugh out of me. And some individuals if you read the comments unfortunately think this is a true article and are losing respect for Doug. Friends, this is a satire website which spreads falsehoods in an attempt to be funny, shameful that they would target Doug. You can read their other articles to plainly see what they are posting is just not true –

      I feel sorry for the authors though, by our words we will be justified and by our words we will be condemned said Jesus. “Oh lighten up” say some, but friends, consider this, is this article truth? No, then it is what? A lie. And what serious warning do we find in Revelation 21:8? “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8) I do hope that the creators of this website remove this site from the web and repent, so that the grace and mercy of Jesus may cover this error (1 John 1:9). I believe that they are posting this NOT with the intention to hurt anyone, but read the comments, this is going around the web and some are believing this article as truth. The Word of God plainly says jesting in this manner is not in harmony with Christ for it is written …

      “In our mingling in society, in families or in whatever relations of life we are placed, either limited or extended, there are many ways wherein we may acknowledge our Lord and many ways wherein we may deny Him. We may deny Him in our words, by speaking evil of others, by foolish talking, jesting and joking, by idle or unkind words, or by prevaricating, speaking contrary to truth. In our words we may confess that Christ is not in us.” ~ Counsels For The Church p. 81

      “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.” (Ephesians 5:3-4 KJV)

      1. Richard Sherwin

        So I take it you don’t think Christ had a sense of humor? Have you looked at a platypus lately? Have you ever wondered about a camel going through the eye of a needle? Or have you considered rocks praising Him, or a talking donkey? Christ invented humor and laughter. Maybe you should laugh now and then, it makes you live longer and makes you happy, as God intended.

        1. Adventist

          There was nothing funn about Balaams donkey talking. He nor the Angels were laughing. The platypus is a wonderful creature that defies evolution. Do you find that funny or that God makes creation a Joke. When Jesus was talking to the rich man and His eternal fate rested on His acceptance of Jesus words do you think Jesus was telling him a joke? Your comment of Laugh now it makes you live longer…………….Keep laughin and see if it is true. I promise you that you won’t find it so funny when you reap your reward.

          1. I read it because I thought there was truth to this story. I feel deceived because if it did not see Doug was dancing with the stars I would not have ever read it. I even told my husband if he thought that it was true. I think it’s bad to have done this because what it someone had just read some of it and then share the lie with others. It would really blemish Pastor Doug’s reputation!

      2. Jonathan Dough

        get a grip.

        That’s the problem these days, people are so gullible they’ll believe anything… and not bother to do the least bit of research on their own.

        “Satirically Adventist” appears at the top of every page, and all you have to do is click the “About” to see it again.

        Will, stop taking yourself so seriously.

      3. Wyatt Allen

        Let me clarify. Amen to Brother Will for sighing and crying for the abominations done in Israel, and for sparing not but lifting up your voice like a trumpet and showing God’s people their sins.

        1. Adventist

          Do you feel that Jesus and Christians are subjects of humor to be put on satiracle Joke pages for all to laugh at? Seriously or not would you say it is ok to the rest of the world? Just so you know God can see your reply so type carefully.

          1. David

            Again, lighten up. God did not empower you to judge on his behalf. I feel bad for you that you can’t enjoy enjoy a little humor, which is of course one of the blessings of life.

      4. LALA Loopsie

        GET A LIFE! If you don’t like it… DON’T READ IT! You people are the reason why the youth of this generation CANNOT wait to leave the church! GET A GRIP. It’s a joke! And FYI Jesus definitely had a sense of humor. Satire is Satire. Jesus laughs, he cries, he loved riddles! Go and reread your Bible. Stop judging others. And stop using dismissive language to think that by sounding kind, and calling us brothers, we will take YOU seriously Will… Like… GOOD GRIEF! Again… I repeat… If you don’t like it… don’t share it. Don’t comment… If you have nothing nice to say…. ZIP IT! Good DAY!

        1. Priscilla

          Amen! I’ve had way too much of people who pigeon hole God and try to make Him after THEIR image. God gave us a sense of humor. If you don’t like it, don’t read it! After all, the Great Controversy is all about PERSONAL choice!

      5. Ariel

        Thank you for posting this thoughtful response. I agree with you. I also believe there is a place for humor, but humor doesn’t have to involve the degradation of something or someone to make it funny.

      6. Gerda

        I agree with Will.
        People surf the internet to find information.
        I wasn’t looking for “satire”, just wanted information and happened to click on this link.
        The “in” crowd of this webpage may be laughing at their made up stories, but the average person clicking on this webpage will get a picture in their minds that is FALSE.
        The whole thing is generated to create a picture of D Batchlor in a hypocritical light.
        It is NEGATIVE HUMOR passing for humor at the expense of another human being, organization, company or group of people.
        As one definition puts it negative humor is “A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.”

        Negative humor has negative results and is often meant to have the negative result of building distain or lessen respect for the one being falsely presented in the so called humors depiction.

        It is one thing to see the humor in life, but humor should not be used to falsely talk about another or done at another’s expense.

        Negative humor really is not benign. Negative humor can lead to negative and even harmful perceptions against others, even when people realize the actual depiction itself is not true.

      7. Robyn Garratt

        its good we can laugh at ourselves and we understand the satire.No harm between ourselves.
        But non-Adventists misunderstand and I think satire really does us more harm than good. we have enough misunderstandings and attacks anyway! wish this site would close down. robyn Garratt Adventist, Stavanger, Norway.

  1. Diana Mooney

    Not happy about this move. I’ve always liked Doug because he taught the straight gospel truth. Stepping into the Devil’s playground is not a good way to gain a following. If the church is going to teach that we don’t dance then Pastor Doug should not muddy the waters and participate in a dance contest. This is utterly ridiculous! I am thoroughly saddened!

    1. This is not a good move at all if this is true. Not criticizing Doug Bachelor at all, It is because of Amazing Facts I am a soldier in the SDA army of the Lord. I literally got put out of my home as a young woman-on break from college studying Amazing facts then becoming a Seventh Day Adventist. I’m reminded of a few sermons in which he spoke and quoted this scripture; “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 1 John 2:15. My message is for anyone seeking new life with Jesus Christ preparing to spend eternity with him. Don’t get weary it’s hard at times, it gets lonely even more-so when you stop doing the things you use to do or saying the things you use to. I’ve had an epiphany and I clearly understand what “Martin Luther King” said in his last speech. “Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the coming of the Lord” Remember when you experience falling in love with Jesus all over again and understanding his plan for your life, you have a peace that passes all human understanding. All I can say is “don’t get off the ship (of Zion) we’re almost there. I will continue to pray for Doug Bachelor faith that it not sway…and anyone who experiences a restlessness in waiting…” Behold I come quickly and my reward is with me”…. Rev: 14 :12-14

    2. nancy

      right, this was all a farce. at the bottom of the article it says so. thats what makes this whole thing so sad! everyone wont read all the way to the bottom, they got NO LAUGH out of me!

    3. Mary

      I am so sorry to hear this , that Doug would go this far to mix worldliness with his bible teachings, what is the matter with you Doug? My respect now is very questionable. And I loved listening to your sermons, give it some prayerful , on knees, to God humbleness and truly ask for guidance. I will keep you in my prayers.

        1. The devil is the author of confusion. Reading this article it has much CONFUSION!!!! God has nothing to do with this demonic shanningins! Folks calling others MORONS, saying they can’t read, referring to others as DUMB! That’s not of God. This lie was design to hurt Pastor Batchelor’s ministry, the Good News of God. and to hurt others ( keep people from believing in Amazing Facts Ministry). The devil knows he has a short time and he is using people just like you who wrote this factious article to spread lies on Christ and his children to keep others from recieving the Holy Spirit. My advice to all viewers and readers of this non sense is to pray for the writers and the ones who accept it as funny, that they would relize it’s nothing FUNNY about lying on Jesus nor His children (Pastor Doug Batchelor). We are in the last days of Earth’s history; therefore, don’t be deceived by evil doers devicing evil instruments like this. In the name of Jesus it’s not FUNNY, IT’S EVIL and it’s a LIE! May God bless you and treat you real good! Keep your eyes open and on Revelation and Daniel in these last days. The devil wants you to doubt God and this is a HELP site for Satan. The author is being brief by Satan himself. This has nothing to do with God because God can’t lie. Satan in Genesis is the originator of LIES!

  2. Lawrence McDonald

    I know you are trying to have fun on this site. But someone actually posted this on Facebook thinking it was real. The Holy Spirit Never works with deceit. For cheap laughs you are denigrating the reputation of a Seventh Day Adventist Minister who is sticking to the word of God. What you are doing is deceitful and it is wrong. And I ask you in the Name of Jesus to Stop.

      1. Kirk McDonald

        I should think that Jesus must get tired of people commanding other people to do things – or stop doing things – in the Name of Jesus. He’s not a lucky rabbit’s foot to be rubbed or a magical genie lamp. Stop commanding others “in his name” as if His name is yours to use.

        Oh, and perhaps try to develop a sense of humor.

        1. Adventist

          What about sober and composed and calm and a right mind do you think is something you would call a stick in the mud?Perhaps you would be more comfortable at a comedy club, than you would before the Judgement seat of God.

        2. This is Satan’s attack on the ministry! It’s wrong, you can tell by the confusion! Christ is Almighty!! He is not to be played with or joked about, we don’t have time for humor like this!! Basically, it’s upsetting many people. Is that of God? Does it bring peace to our souls? No! Okay then it’s of the devil!! Then don’t be fooled by the adversary! No peace No God!!!

          1. Richard Sherwin

            No one is attacking anyone, even Pastor Doug seemed rather amused by this.

            God Himself created humor, even Jesus used humor in His ministry.

            However it does raise the point about stars within our church. I remember one time a person came to me and said she had just shook hands with Pastor Doug. It’s like she was in awe. We need to be careful we don’t put our preachers, especially those with independent ministries up on a pedestal. That is just plain wrong but it sure appears from many of the responses on here over the last couple years that many have done exactly that.

  3. Ralph

    I find nothing wrong about Doug’s plan to take part in the contest ‘Dancing with the Stars contest’. “It will simply be a Star dancing with another Star”. By the way, I saw Doug do a flip on the stage once. It was Awesome. I’m sure he’ll do just fine and will probably go on to win the contest too. I think it will be ‘AMAZING’ & that’s a fact!! 🙂

  4. I trust Doug Batchelor’s judgment. God created rhythm and clearly Miriam, and David were leaders in rhythmic expression. Furthermore, David saw in vision young women entering the heavenly temple to worship the Most High God as they played on their tambourines. I realize this could be horrifying to some SDA’s who have closed the door on certain activities thinking they were totally of the devil, but God created rhythm in the noble and beautiful bodies of Adam and Eve. There is artistic beauty that is not associated with evil. Our college gymnastics teams are fine examples of that. Pray that Doug will find an extended way to witness to our great Creator God!

  5. I trust Doug’s judgement. It reminds me of Christ’s character traits and how He mingled with sinners. But, I don’t mind the Pharisees who will always question Doug’s move. Find every opportunity to witness about Him who is in the highest.

    Pr. George Morumbwa

  6. Jill James

    Seriously… No lightening up needed in terms of comedy relief but how about intelligence? The name of this page sums it up for me – – I think that it has become a favourite past-time of some to actually make fun of the traditional Adventist lifestyle and I’m unsure as to why? There are lots of other religions out there – why continue to call yourself an Adventist mocking everything along the way, if you don’t buy-in to it anymore?

    1. Wayne

      Why stick around and make fun? Well, it’s like this: Adventism is a CULTURE. If you don’t believe it, examine what it means to be a culture. And then explore what it’s like to move out of one culture and into another. We who identify with the culture but don’t feel nearly so attached to the importance of the rules enjoy a little humor at the expense of those who are too serious. If it shakes your faith, maybe examine your faith?

      Adventism has two basic camps: Those born into the church, and those who converted. Those who converted will probably be highly offended by these comments, as Adventism feels like a gift from God to them, providing them with a set of detailed directions on how to live and how to get to Heaven. Those who were born into the Church aren’t as likely to feel so attached, and will see this kind of site as sidesplittingly funny. I know I do!

      I’m not sitting in judgment of those who chose to join Adventism, but I do wish some of these commenters would be able to loosen their suspenders enough to allow smiles on their faces. 🙂

      1. Dawn S

        Many of the strictest Adventists I know are those who were born into the church, and the more relaxed are newer converts who don’t always understand why Adventism has such strict rules.

        Personally, I’m disappointed that this article is satire, because I would enjoy watching a conservative dance contestant on the show! It saddens me to see fellow Adventists screaming with so much judgment at their fellow believers. God told us not to judge and I see so much angry finger-shaking here… I agree with previous posts that Jesus had a sense of humor, because I can picture him in numerous biblical stories laughing with his friends and fellow believers…

  7. Preston Beach

    Satire is completely unchristian. Think about it…to actually ridicule a person or idea not for the mere FUN of it, not for lowly parody, but actually to exert pressure for CHANGE?! That borders upon the Satanic. Next thing, someone will be hacking into some unsuspecting rural SDA church’s electronic marquis with actual complaints against the institution, AND IT WON’T BE FUNNY THEN, WILL IT?! As for these pseudo-evangelical humorists, “We’ve got to beat them down…”

    1. Kirk McDonald

      That’s funny! For a moment, I thought you were actually serious, but then I realized that you were being satirical in your comments. I mean, c’mon – a true Christian wouldn’t advocate violence (“We’ve got to beat them down…”) against others, now, would they?

      Well done, Mr. Beach, well done!

  8. Wilfredo Loriezo

    This will turn the whole SDA world upside down. I cannot imagine old Doug gyrating but we will see what the result might be. This is hilarious and excuse me, I got to pee.

  9. Let´s pray for Doug. Imagine what a negative effect will it cause to thousands of christians around the world who have high regards and to pastor Bachelor. Now I´m under shock. Please dearest pastor Doug. Don´t let my faith in Christ diminished. Do not do it whatever good intention you have.

  10. Richard sherwin

    God gave us a wonderful sense of humor and obviously some here have lost it. Anyone that cannot laugh at ourselves and our churches culture I fear must live a dour life.

  11. A little amazed at so many people’s inability to detect satire. This was so funny, and if I was still SDA, I’d still think it was funny. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, where would we be? I vote for Pope Francis as the dance partner. lol.

  12. Steve Toscano

    Anyone that knows Bachelor at all should know that he would never do something like this. Nevertheless, I find it rather funny that there are some here that think that this is real. =)

  13. Waltz Withme

    I’ve heard rumors that his grand finale will be an interpretive dance of his best selling book, “The Richest Caveman”. Fortunately, wardrobe costs will be minimal. Amazing Stewardship!

  14. Stacey Mosher

    OKAY… Let’s see if all of the people on here taking this as serious can stop what they are doing and read for a moment… This is pure FICTION… Ask yourselves how many people will fall away from truth because of this lie… We are to be praying for discernment to know the truth from the lies… If you can fall for this how will you stand when satan attacks in all ernesty…

    1. Pep C

      Great insight. A mark of a well written satirical article is that it can deceive the uninformed. Let me just add that this site is deceiving many even if it wasn’t meant to deceive. I realize there are good intentions in doing satire and I enjoyed the humor but the collateral damage saddens me. I hope we take Paul’s admonition to avoid things that make our brothers and sisters stumble.

  15. W Ludwig

    Can’t take a joke? You are not alone:
    “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows, is a man who deceives his neighbour and says, “’I was only joking!’”
    Proverbs 26

  16. Living!

    This page reminds me of exactly WHY I left adventistism, and ultimately christanity. In the process, I found myself and a beautiful life that I was blinded from within all the church’s rhetoric, scare tactics, and core values. Too bad I had to go completely down the road of getting a religion degree, but thank god I did.

    In this process, the hardest thing I had to question myself was what could I do to ease the pain of realizing there is no God? If it were true, I had “wasted” my whole life believe a lie, right?

    As my internal self fought to convert, it was difficult because I lost a significant portion of my support system, and of those that remained, most were in no position to help. I was lucky to have friends outside of the religious circle, but it was hard.

    I hear that that the dynamics of people who come from many religious systems are akin to abusive relationships. But for those interested–after the shock wears off on the ones that truely love you, a happy life awaits. I now give to charity without feeling like I’m doing it for another reason other than the one that matters. The true experience was all too caught up in the “God wants” and “God says” aspect, that in retrospect, EVERYTHING I did or said was actually full of selfish motivation–the motivation to make my “afterlife” rife with joy and heaven.

    I’m not arguing for or against it; there are plenty of science data points that do that far better than I will ever be able to. But, friends, if you can–probably the most important aspect of this life is that in order to help others in the way you feel is the best, you actually have to help yourself first. In doing so, you “find” yourself, realize what is really important, and arrive in a situation that is most available to help others.

    I have to go, my tender bits are burning again. *sigh*

    1. Stacy

      Wow. You really draw out questions I’ve had for so long and you explain everything that I think I’m ready for. I was raised to believe that athiesm was a horrid life and that “those people” are no good to society. When I found out my athiest friend’s dad (who supported a poor family) gives 10% of what they make directly to homeless shelters, I realized exactly what you say. Everything I did that was Godly I could trace back to a selfish motivation. It makes me so full of both shame. But as you say if I stop going to church, I will lose my entire support system. I’m lost. I’m so so absolutely lost and I feel terrible inside.

      1. I too was once an adventist. But what made me change is that i realized that the love that was taught by Jesus was not really practised within the church. Christianity seems fake and that the love for one another is not real. I also realised that the Father of Jesus is different from the one who gave the Ten Commandments to Moses which is Yahweh. Jesus said in John that their Father is the devil and if you examine deeper he was referring to Yahweh. The Father of Jesus no doubt is a loving God. But Yahweh is not a God of Love (in my opinion). A God of Love will not punish but instead ready to forgive and have mercy. We donot find that with Yahweh. He was a jealous God (as though ther are other God besides that he wasnt honest about). Yahweh was a God of war and conquering and INDIFFERENCE. Also, he was a god of sacrificing animals in which Jesus condemn and stopped the sacrifices on the temple as he was against it. Jeremiah was right when he said, “I did not asked your Fathers (Moses and etc.) to sacrifice animals.” Meaning, the true God of love will not kill animals and will never asked them to eat them. A true God of love will not setup a law as a CONDITION that if they dont obey then they are not loved anymore and will receive serious punishment. A God of love will not make his people as servants to worship him. Instead, they should be treated as children and not as possessions. A God of Love will NEVER use FEAR to make them obey. Obedience seems all he ever wanted out of from humans, and that is simply not a quality of true God of Love. This is completely in contrast with Jesus and his true father in heaven. Again I repeat the Father of Jesus and Yahweh who gave the Ten Commandments are not the same person.

      2. Your support group is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit! And the Bible, with prayer, and belief you will get answers! We are in the last days? It’s time to watch and pray! Many of us are feeling a lack of support which is not bad because we are force to look to God for all our answers! Whose more able than He, the Great I Am!!

    2. brows3r

      i used to go to LLUC. i left after i found out they spent almost 100K on sound equipment for their youth program. i mean they bought so much they had to install these super duty rolling shutters that physically roll down and cover the windows to protect it against theft. there was so much more going on there and after a while the corruption in the mega church really wore on me. i get you though.

      1. Kendra S.

        Well at least you still have the bible. When I think these thoughts a scripture always returns to me and puts me back on even kill.

        “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” – Hebrews 11:1-40

      2. Rob Mohr

        Slight correction, since I was the pastor who purchased the equipment and also the “heavy duty doors.” We spent closer to $1,500.00 (also we had to find raise every penny, we got nothing from any church budget line item) and the doors were both for security and also the industrial theme of the room. While I no longer pastor there, I was never aware of the “corruption” you speak of during my 8 years in the pastoral staff.

    3. Jonathan Dough

      “Living,” your story is so like mine, including the religion degree, people probably think you’re me, LOL! It’s a beautiful life when you cut it all loose, isn’t it? Your screen name tells it all. Such horrible and needless baggage it is to imagine that at every moment of your life a bad god (the devil) is following you everywhere, trying to trip you up and land you into a lake of eternal fire, and the only way you can escape it is to get a good god (God) to swoop down and fight off the bad god on your behalf.

      Maybe this site and this article wasn’t supposed to turn into this particular discussion, but some seem to have an interest in it, and I think it’s always nice to share a variety of experiences.

  17. Leo

    Many married couples probably dance in the privacy of their homes. If Pastor Doug goes on the show, people will ask who he is and what’s a 7th day Adventist? I’m sure he will tell them. That may be the goal…

  18. Darren Nicholls

    Pay this website and those running it no attention as it’s just another satanic attack to waste our time.

    Quote “Just in case you didn’t realize, this article is merely SATIRE. This website is dedicated to humor and should NEVER be taken seriously. Thank You!”

    You think in a dying world with 3 angels message to preach and 7 plagues about to drop its time for joke?

    The only joke here is that people actually believe that you are Adventists behind this website lol. But your fruits testify to who you are so please feel free to have a sense of humour to what I have to say too. God will be the judge of what you do as it is written.

    1. n/a

      Amen, I would not have ever read this but when it begin to blemish Pastor Doug’s name I continue and told my husband who walked out probably still believing there’s some truth to it. Revelation says: “God hates a liar”, I am sure He’s not please with these lies on this site…

  19. Darren

    In your “about” section You state that you are committed Adventists with no desire to tear down the church!

    You do not give your names or church addresses to collaborate that, so could you amend your information to give us a clear understanding of who you actually are instead of working mischief under the guise of anonymity?

  20. Mike

    This sure has the Dougie Worshipers riled up, doesn’t it? The serious responses are most entertaining. “Don’t you dare mess with my Dougie. Without him interpreting for me, I am totally lost.”

    News flash….you have been lost a long time already.

  21. Hugo

    I completely trust Doug. If he said”drink this Kool Aide”, I would totally drink it even if it had cyanide in it. I have complete faith in Doug. He will save me from the cyanide induced death by suffication. I would do it because I love Doug.

  22. Kathryn Walter

    The ability to write and carefully adhere to the satirical wit requires a well honed use of available facts and the ability to address controversial issues with specific “tongue in cheek” comments and essay type humorous writing. It is literally a gift, a skill. Anyone can slam bam God, the SDA church, Ellen White, our belief system… but it takes someone with the actual knowledge of Adventism, our belief system, our idiosyncrasies to make a point in such a way that it’s not saying ” What a joke. Evil. Damnation. Jesus hates this. ” but perhaps, just maybe, if you are mature enough to handle the ” airing” of this issue. perhaps a sacred cow, THINK, examine? your end conclusions are still viable!. God is so much bigger than we ever give Him credit for. Believe it or not, He’s gone through WAY worse…. and He’s still here, still working through ways we cannot always understand, to let us know He’s there for us.

    1. Emily

      Kathryn–you’re exactly right, which is why I find this site so offensive. I’m sorry, but someone needs to say it: if you’re going to put a site like this up, at least do it right and post high-quality, professional work by an author who knows what he or she is doing.

      As it is, the posts come across as both juvenile and outdated–a uniquely cringe-worthy combination, if you ask me. I can see that the author is going for “The Onion,” but the quality just isn’t there–I’ve seen more effective satire from high school writing assignments.

  23. shewolf77

    Ok…I know this is satire and its ok. But, I do think that if they were going to do something like this, that they should have done someone different than Doug Batchelor. Granted, everyone is entitled to do what they want to do, and if Doug really wanted to do it, I think it would be wise if he did it in a way to where it would witness to people instead of doing it for the money. I used to be SDA, but I still have strong roots, and as a kid of a missionary family, I know we did stuff that made others question, but when it was explained, it made sense to them. Whoever did the article should have said at the end that it was not really going to happen. It took something of that nature to really stir the pot up. I can see both the pros and cons on this subject and I am not sure if I totally agree with it. Makes me more leary of Adventism even more than I am already. I used to be SDA, but when I found out that they were letting Jesuits preach, and be part of the GC I ran away from it as fast as I could. Just like this topic. Makes me wonder!

    1. EndTimes Warning

      Shewolf….its people, NOT Jesus who’s allowing this “Spiritual Formation” and “One Project” into the churches….we don’t need or want people grounded and rooted in our faith to run away. We need those who will stand up for the wrongs being done within our faith and show them the way!
      We were warned long ago that this would happen and our church will be shaken to its core….the sifting, shaking… here NOW!
      By leaving, you’re allowing things to take place as you’re no longer there to take a stand and speak and say what needs be said.

  24. Seth H

    I would really like to point out that this is a satirical article; it isn’t real at all people.
    I am leafing through the comments and all I can see is how good, loving, understanding, Christ-like, and respectful Christians we are. *Sarcasm*

  25. cheryl

    I believe that people can be unrighteous and believe ,as ADVENTISTS dance which is unbiblical. Not the kind of dancing going on today. The bible does say there is dancing, but only praising and worshiping to GOD THE ALMIGHTY.
    For those people who are SATRICAL from BARELY ADVENTIST. GET your facts straight and pray GOD HAS MERCY on your soul. This man is a godly and true man of GOD. I know his story from the beginning. If your trying to make someone for what their not ,look at yourselves. And within yourself, GO FIND YOURSELF AND PRAY!

    1. Cheryl Young in Boring

      I hope people don’t think I’m the one posting what Cheryl says….
      I will say this in response to her post…”Don’t judge others who sin differently than you do!”

      1. Cheryl Young in Boring

        BTW…using caps is considered yelling and shouting…
        Making demands in such self righteous manner is offensive to the Holy Spirit AND it does NOT turn hearts towards Him!

  26. Cate Kortzeborn

    I totally love the fact that the people who think this is a real story assume, without question, that this Pastor Doug person is well-enough known to get a berth on DWTS. Having been lapsed for years, I don’t have the faintest clue who he is, along with at least 99 percent of the population. That being said, this is my new favorite website.

  27. Richard Mills

    Doug does a lot of promenading back & forth on the evangelistic stages. That’s a lot of practice for the fancy foot moves needed!! The money won can go into the “work”!

  28. Lionel

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sense of humor and having a laugh. What is not okay is having a laugh at another’s expense. We have to closely examine everything we do and make sure our words aren’t damaging anyone else’s character or lightening in one bit the work which this church has to do.

    Proverbs 26:18-19 – Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!”

    I pray that we would all seek Jesus face in regards to the sense of humor we have. Some things are just beyond inappropriate and should not cause laughter to rise up in us. This is just as much apart of our character building as anything else. Be Blessed!

      1. L. Nicolle Walters

        Wait a minute and let me get this straight. You can determine someone’s character by their comments on a website?

        I find it funny and I can tell you that a) I am still a card-carrying, every-week-attending member of the Seventh-day Adventist church.

        And…while you might *want* to judge my character because I disagree with you…I can provide character references from those who consider themselves to be *very* conservative AND from those who are more liberal than most!

        Of course, all would attest to my crazy sense of humor…for THAT, there’s no accounting.

  29. SalyLuz

    This is telling me that isntead of spreading the word of God and Jesus’ second coming, we are wasting our time in nonsense? Do you understand how serious it is to know that there is a judgement happening and it involves the entire world… Do you think that’s funny? That instead of indulging ourselves with the word of God, we are reading this, an article that should be getting us closer to our heavenly father not further apart; this makes us look like a joke/entertainers not disciples of Christ.

    1. Queenie

      My question is this, why are you on this site instead of going out and feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, and being kind and loving to others? If you did that, you wouldn’t have time to be on this site…..So my advice to you is to go out and spread the word of God and Jesus’ second coming instead of “wasting our time in nonsense”. After all, you’re reading this too.
      I have been deeply hurt by Adventists and the church; thus, laughter is my way of coping with the pain….so right on! Keep the laughs coming because it’s a lot better than crying!

  30. Grammy

    I’m what some call a “Former” – Left Adventism almost 20 yrs ago, but I still love Jesus and look forward to the day when He comes back to take us home. I find this Doug thing VERY humorous, especially because I took it seriously for one brief moment> And I admit I was puzzled (because nobody but SDA’s would even know who he is) and chuckling because I couldn’t quite picture “Pastor Doug” dancing and prancing with one of those barely-clad lovelies on DWTS. I have to laugh when I think back on what I was taught to believe – All the MANY “unwritten” rules of Adventism of which all SDA’s are WELL AWARE, indoctrinated from babyhood. How freeing to know the TRUE Gospel of Jesus Christ and that salvation is in Him alone, by faith alone, through grace alone. Thank you, Jesu,s for sweet peace and freedom, resting EVERY DAY in YOU (not just 24 hrs. once a week)!

    1. Priscilla

      Reading through these comments reminds me of why I hate denominationalism but love Jesus! The gospel is simple. While believing in many of the core beliefs of Adventism (Sabbath rest, etc) I won’t ever be sucked in the vortex of anything other than my personal relationship with Jesus again and following His leading!

  31. Jason

    No, seriously though, only certain rhythms are ordained by God. It’s hard to do a Waltz to Sabbath hymns. If Doug figures out a way to dance to a God-ordained rhythm, he deserves to be on TV.

  32. Jaa

    “Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon and as a tool to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.”

    *notes comments* Mission accomplished.

  33. Matthew 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

    Mark 9:42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

    Luke 17:2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

    To cause some to believe a lie about someone they trust, and cause their trembling faith to let go and give up, not recognizing this is a lie. They fall but they do not fall alone, culpability is culpability. Some folks trembling faith is trying to gestate and grow to breathing on it’s own. This is not humor. This is slander and libel . I will copy and email it to Doug Batchelor and request his response. .

  34. Here is Doug Batchelor’s Reply on Facebook:

    Doug Batchelor
    March 19
    Dancing With the Stars?
    Recently, a website posted a fictitious story that I would be participating on the television show Dancing With the Stars. If true, that certainly would be an amazing fact! Of course this is just someone’s idea of a joke. For one thing, anyone who knows me knows I can’t even Hokey Pokey. I share the other reasons I don’t dance in the video below.

    “When I get to heaven and see the ‘bright and morning Star’ I will probably leap and dance like David. Until then you have nothing to fear.”
    “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad,…” Matthew 5:11, 12

    1. Afrishanko

      This is why so many people see fundamentalist Christians as not so bright, gullible or living in a closed community out of touch with reality. And I don’t think anyone could reasonably argue that it’s not the reason we have so much religious and political polarity. People don’t read, don’t think, don’t study—not outside their own little bubble of cherished beliefs & thought. First of all, how gullible does a person have to be, to read this about Doug Bachelor and not immediately want to check the source? How many are so unread, so unfamiliar with the various satire columns out there, that they wouldn’t assume this is probably that? But on top of that, there are at least 3 places where the challenged reader is told, point blank, that it’s satire. People glance at something and walk away with an unwarranted conclusion without any independent thought or study applied.

      “Seriously misled and profoundly shaken?” That a preacher might dance? Tragic!

  35. Martin

    Doug doesn’t deserve this. I’m all for appropriate humor–and he is too, far more personable than many conservative speakers. Doug is a decent guy, I’m sorry to see him mocked like this.

    1. Afrishanko

      Mocked?? “Mock” defined: “tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner; mimic (someone or something) scornfully or contemptuously.”

      What was scornful or contemptuous?

      Sorry, can’t resist one more frank response to Martin’s post and those like it…

      Strange that you imagine Doug Bachelor and his message to be so weak, so vulnerable, that it can’t take some friendly satirical humor (which is even thrice labeled as such). AND if he is a man of God spreading God’s word, it seems you not only imply that Bachelor and his message are weak, but even God himself. Is God that vulnerable to something this petty?

      Even if it were disrespectful in your opinion, you can’t take it in stride? Christians are disrespectful of others all the time (judging; quoting Bible texts to sinners as if they haven’t heard them enough already—as if you are bringing the same tired quotes afresh in the hope that this one more time just might do the trick; lying about what the Bible says to put others down; insisting on imposing your often hurtful religious notions on others even by politicking actively to make it law; disrespecting poor people’s financial stability by urging them to give more than they can afford—while your preachers defy God’s instructions and enjoy above-average lifestyles). You can be disrespectful yourselves, but then you can’t take such minuscule “disrespect” on something so petty as a little literary piece of satirical humor? And over what, calling someone a murderer. Nope, over saying someone would, uh, dance!

      Is there no end to the persecution complex? I must confess that I sometimes wonder how you cannot see how you often present yourselves to the outside world: long-faced, fault-finding negatively-oriented, humorless people. I guess when you’re constantly busy, moment-by-moment beseeching an invisible supernatural deity to come down and help you fight off another invisible supernatural deity who manages to dog your every step 24/7 to try to get you to come and burn in his fire, you don’t have much time left to live in, and take a meaningful role in, the vibrant, fascinating, more sophisticated world around you.

      Sorry, but that’s how I see it as I peer back into those dark shadows. I am one of the fortunate few who managed to extricate myself from all that—not an easy feat for those who, through no choice of their own, get wrapped up in it like swaddling clothes at birth.

  36. Pastor KL

    I appreciate the humor of this site. We should be able to laugh at ourselves as Adventists. I feel, though, that this article crossed a line that shouldn’t have been. The rest of the posts are of a general nature. This is the first one that is specifically about a certain person. To me, that moves in a direction I wish the authors had not gone and hope they do not go in the future.

  37. Wow, you sure can tell who is insecure and judgmental, reading these posts. I knew in the first sentence or so that this was a joke. I love the Onion and think the person who wrote this has a great sense of humor. It is a sign of maturity to be able to poke fun at one’s roots and have a good laugh. It is a sign of immaturity to take everything so seriously that you can’t see the humor in it. I usually avoid reading comments because I find the judgmental, “God is going to get you for this”, fear-based, controlling rhetoric of some people to be spiritually abusive. I’m kind of sorry I read these. I feel like my heart needs a shower.

  38. Donna

    Obviously our academies are not doing a good job teaching satire when so many act like they have never experienced it before. If we cannot laugh at ourselves we really have become the stereotypical old prune lipped church ladies.

  39. Mark

    If those who read this satire cannot discern between humor and reality they may struggle with the same regarding Biblical truths and deception fostered by the Deceiver. This site may serve to disseminate those who are having trouble and need scriptural assistance. If Satan will deceive the very elect if it were possible, I pray we will help those who are fall prey to this entry level humor.. Let us not sit about with long faces until our Lord returns. Those how enjoy the humor intended do not necessarily qualify as minions of the AntiChrist. God bless you in happiness and joy.

  40. Nemypaguilar Aguilar

    If Jesus can turn water into wine he can
    turn or change DWTS into Dancing with
    Christian Star with better Chritian Samba
    & Tango music and best steps we ever
    Seen. So why are we so worried, Jesus
    Will take care of that. Jesus said, if we
    have faith big as the mustard seed we can
    Move the mountain. All we need is trust
    Jesus(the Creator, Savior, Mediator, the
    Sinless etc.) by the miracle work of the
    Holy Spirit in us, Gods plan @ purpose
    for us might fulfilled .

  41. I used to like pastor Doug but after listening to his sermon on ordination of women I lost all respect for him… Oh well the whole matter will be decided next year at the GC session in Texas, sparks will fly!!!!!

  42. Morris Tanya

    I grew up in the self-supporting branch of the SDA church and I am sure it will be no shock to anyone that I left organized religion 30 years ago. I stumbled on this site when a friend posted this on FB. Many of you have chastised the author for writing this because some would not realize it was satire and their faith would be shaken. To that I would say, really? Is their faith so weak that it can not withstand seeing someone making a choice they disagree with? If that is the case, who exactly is their faith rooted in anyway?

    The ability to laugh at our faults and foibles- be those individual ones or collective-aren’t disrespectful, but enlightening. But as long as the SDA church has knee jerk reactions such as seen on the comments here, it will be a long time before it grows as a church.

  43. Present Truth

    true SDA has to be peculiar and not the same as the world; the just shall live by faith and not by sight!
    One true person who obey the WORD with the power of the Holy Spirit is mightier than an experienced top preacher with top TV show!!!
    repent for the kingdom of heaven is near!!!
    SDA wake up!!!

  44. Ian Campbell

    As someone who has only just been finally convinced that the SDA’s may be right about a few things, I definately don’t find this funny. Satire is not my thing as I have been a Pentecostal most my life (30yrs) and would have believed this article 100%. Thank God I scrolled down. Seriously guys after the things I’ve seen and experienced in my life…PLEASE…move away from this type of stuff. It’s not building the Body of Christ up and it didn’t encourage me, though I will get over it, haha.
    Please disregard these comments if you are not a Sabbath keeper.

  45. barelyJESUITS

    Truly a heartbreaking testimony from our nice couple friends (2 groups): “Former of former SDAs” and “Former Jesuits”…both groups always make a higher calling and a serious challenge that the owners and supporters of this web apparently too coward to make another 100% the same satire web against Black Pope as well as Jesuits. Very very cowards! Btw, Adventists were NOT the first that really shocked and made an appeal. A group of FORMER JESUITS, however, which was the first to stand up and spoke out loud on behalf of SDA, believe it or not… and make a challenge “We will laugh out loud only if the web’s owners do exactly the same satiring to the Catholic leader and the Jesuits, then we can guarantee you all, that..we laugh!

    Couldn’t be possible for God to use paganism instead to honor His Church?

    “But anyway, go ahead and do your satires, jokes and make fun about Pope and Jesuits also, if you dare. Be fair! And your “jokes” here will be greatly appreciated! Are they, Pope and Jesuits too holy for you so that you’re so afraid to make the same satire as you’re doing to hurt Adventism?”

  46. Liar or Satire

    The writer and/or developer of this site seems to have completely lost sight of truth. This is not satire, it is a pure lie. Satire may be defined as “trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly.” This writing contains none of those essential elements. I’ve read many of the posts following the article and find that this lack of understanding is chronically perpetuated. Has the entire world lost their dictionaries?

    On this page it is commonly held that Jesus had a sense of humor and use satire in His teaching. In a few cases that may be true. Like L. Frank Baum and his political satire, “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz,” Jesus used the truths of His day and retold those true stories in ways which would expose vice or folly. We frequently refer to those stories as parables. Though not all of His parables are satire, the one in Luke 16, the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, falls obviously into that category. The parable is told to arouse His immediate audience to an awareness of their danger. If they were to continue in their course they would be destroyed.

    Perhaps you should change your byline to a more honest “Lies and only Lies.” After all, you should give yourself credit where credit is due.

    The age old rhyme remains: “Liar liar, pants on fire.”

  47. Margaret

    Dear Brother Doug Bachelor,

    I sincerely hope that you asked HaShem (A respectful Hebrew title meaning “The Name” which replaces the name of God [YHVH “Yahuovah”]) for permission WAY BEFORE you actually did this, as well as confirmed His reply 3 times. You will be judged for your own actions, like everybody else. For your own sake, I really hope you asked for HIS WILL on this matter, my friend!

    Your Sister in Messiah,

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  51. 2thumbsUP

    As a former PK, I find this blog hilarious. I think if someone is secure enough if their religious beliefs, they should know it is a joke without having “SATIRE- BEWARE” warning labels put on this page, ESPECIALLY if they see it online and verify before they repost as true. Even without the warning, it is the INTERNET people. There is a similar blog called the Hummus that does the same thing for muslims, it is funny but many people freak out and take offense. No one FORCES anyone to read articles, and unless your computer is being hijacked, I doubt anyone is FORCING you to pass things on you don’t want to. Didn’t your mother say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?”…mine sure did. Personally I think reading the comments is more detrimental to non-adventists reading the articles than the articles themselves, seeing how judgemental and humourless so many people can be. You don’t have to like it, and if you don’t, clicking the little “x” in the top right corner usually works, but calling out people based on your personal belief system really is a form of judging….just saying

  52. sharyne slater

    Take it down. If any reader know pastor doug batch they would know he does NOT compromise Godly things. These writers are not funny nor entertaining , but dangerous. This man of God has done so much consistently for the saving of souls. This is the work if the enemy to undo that good work.

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  55. Brenda Oigara

    I think it is very wrong to write such false articles in the name of humor. If the contributors of these articles are committed Seventh Day Adventists then they should not sacrifice truth and honesty at the altar of humor. Integrity should and must be held up very high. By our words and utterances we shall be judged. Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor – EXODUS 20:16. You are breaking 9th Commandment!

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  57. Ray Tonkin

    Sad to see you wasting time,My first and last time .I’m a bit slow and nearly believed. A great and dangeros way to undermine and disrespect Gods sevants and God Himself. Please reconsider this site and pray for His guidance.

    1. Dave

      I got a belly laugh or two out of this as well. Then I began to think. I thought of the time we’re living in, actually of the serious little time we have left here to prepare for heaven. A laugh now and then is good. Even giving people a laugh now and then is great. Spend your life doing that???

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