LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- Frozen-treat chain Dairy Queen has announced plans to open an entirely vegan store on the campus of Loma Linda University. Although the chain already offers some vegan-appropriate items, this will be the first experiment with a store serving no dairy whatsoever.
Dairy Queen spokesperson Hugh Grosse said that based on market studies by Dairy Queen, Loma Linda had been selected as the best place in the United States to test a dairy-free store due to the high density of vegan Adventists in the area.
"We have warned the staff we are training to expect a crush of vegan centenarians on opening day," said Grosse.
He promised that the chain had fundamentally reworked all recipes, that all frozen favorites would now be available and that they would contain no dairy whatsoever. Grosse admitted that fans of the chain may notice "a slight tofu aftertaste."