SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Seventh-day Adventist baptismal vows have been updated to reflect what church leaders are calling "undeniable cultural realities." In addition to the usual list of mostly doctrinal statements to which baptismal candidates must agree, a final clause will confirm their "allegiance to haystacks."
The added clause reads "I, (name), without reservation, recognize haystacks as the best culinary creation since Eden and promise to uphold strict vegetarian standards in its preparation for as long as I shall live."
Speaking about the added clause, church spokesperson Barric Ada admitted that allegiance to haystacks was perhaps not a matter of salvation, but was quick to stress the issue could still be one of life and death.
"Without haystacks I have no idea how any of us could face another day."