Obama nominates Adventist Senate Chaplain Barry Black to Supreme Court

Rear Admiral Barry Black, U.S. Senate Chaplain
Rear Admiral Barry Black, U.S. Senate Chaplain
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama has nominated Rear Admiral Barry Black, U.S. Senate Chaplain, to the US Supreme Court. If confimed by the Senate, Black would replace recently deceased Justice Antonin Scalia and would be the first Seventh-day Adventist to serve as a US Supreme Court Justice.

Black who has served for over a decade in his current role as Chaplain of the US Senate enjoys widespread popularity among lawmakers and is expected to receive bipartisan support as a nominee for Supreme Court Justice.

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“Having an Adventist as a Supreme Court justice could come in really handy,” said General Conference Religious Liberty spokesperson Walt Densie with a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Not only could future Judge Barry Black guard against the persecution of religious minorities but he could set the record straight on everything from the Adventists’ origins of haystacks and cornflakes to finally mandating that Ellen White’s head be carved into Mount Rushmore.”


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  1. Mark O'Beast

    This story is false. O’Bama actually nominated Dr. Ben Carson, who just last week accepted an invitation to serve as president of SAU. I guess that means Dr. Carson will head to Washington, D.C. instead of Collegedale, after all.

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍~ ‍BREAKING NEWS ~
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Southern Adventist University Announces 26th President

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Collegedale, Tenn.– Today Southern Adventist University’s Board of Trustees unanimously voted to formally invite Dr. Benjamin S. Carson to serve as the school’s 26th president. After much prayer, Carson has accepted the position.

    “I am honored to follow Gordon Bietz who has provided Southern with 19 years of distinguished leadership,” Carson said. “I look forward to partnering with God and all who are associated with Southern to see how He will make a special school even more special.”

    Carson, a retired neurosurgeon, is no stranger to the campus, having donated his services to perform lobotomies and top-secret experiments on students and staff during a 17 year period in the ’80s and ’90s. Though an exact start date has yet to be determined, Dr. Carson looks forward to working alongside President Bietz in the months leading up to his retirement.

    Accordingly, Dr. Carson has announced that he is suspending his campaign for nomination as the Republican presidential candidate. “Serving as President of Southern is a far greater honor than running for President of the United States, and I really like the Collegedale area a lot better than Washington, D.C.,” said Dr. Carson in a news release.

    • Hilarious Clinton

      After the funeral, the man was sobbing uncontrollably because his mother died as an atheist. The man was stricken with grief because his mom would end up in Hell instead of Heaven. At a loss for words, the pastor finally blurted out: “Now, now, sir. I’m sure you’ll see her again.”

  2. Donald Tramp / Donald Dump

    I will file a lawsuit immediately, against B’Rock O’Bomber, instead of against Ted Cruz. The one who really should have been nominated is Ted Cruz. As much as I hate him because he was born in Canada and he’s doing too well in the presidential polls, I have to admit that he was a great Solicitor General for the state of Texas and has argued more cases before the U.S. Supreme Court than just about anybody. The best way to make sure he doesn’t steal the election as POTUS, is to put him on the bench at the SCOTUS.

    • John Elvis Bush

      When I was governor of Florida, we created 10,000 new jobs by having homeless guys go around inspecting toilets. It was hard to tell which smelled worse. We created another 5,000 jobs by placing computers in police departments and counting each computer as half a person. The good part about it was that these “half persons” did not have “half a brain” and did not have to drive to work.

  3. Richard Mills

    I like the moniker, “Justice Black”. He will end this women’s ordination once and for all. Just a stroke of the pen!! Next, Justice Black will elevate all Master Guides to military status and send them all over to keep the peace. He will also rule that Pot Lucks at SDA functions is illegal and to cease ASAP. The SDA trademark & copyright will be null & void so that indies & self supporters can flourish. Black will rule that Little Debbies will be the desert of the land. I love it. He’s got my vote!Go, Baby, (his nickname at Oakwood!) goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

    • APlusDave

      I hope you mean that Little Debbies will be the ‘dessert’ of the land. Otherwise they are classified with Chihuahuan Desert, Sonoran Desert and the Mojave Desert! Have a Nutty Bar on me! Woe is, indeed, you!

    • Donald Tramp / Donald Dump

      Just wait and see how good the supreme court will be when I finish nominating folks to it. My first three nominees will be my first three wives. Considering the stress level of the justices, I figure that will be a great way to get revenge. And my fourth nominee? None other than Hilarious Clinton, if she’s not in jail by then.

  4. Hilarious Clinton

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍Breaking News


    AC News – Washington, D.C.: In a move that shocked even his wife (not to mention his political enemies), President Barack Obama has taken the unprecedented step of appointing himself to the U.S. Supreme Court to replace the recently-deceased Associate Justice Antonin Scalia.

    The President admitted in a special radio address that he has always secretly envied a seat on the bench, especially the bench of the highest court of the land. “What better way to fill the current vacancy, than by appointment myself?” he asked rhetorically. As a lawyer and former constitutional law professor, O’bama is eminently qualified for the position.

    In order to complete his term as President (to prevent the gaffe-prone Joe Biden from assuming the presidency), Mr. Obama has decided to make his appointment effective on January 21, 2017 — the day after Hillary Clinton is inaugurated as President.

    Mr. Obama, who is an avid basketball fan, mentioned that he will take the opportunity to shoot some hoops with the law clerks on the roof of the Supreme Court building. Because it is on the roof, he pointed out how the basketball court is affectionately known as the “highest court in the land.”

    When asked what his first judicial act will be, Mr. Obama stated, without hesitation: “I’ll deport Donald Trump to Mexico, return Ted Cruz to Canada, and deploy Ben Carson to fight ISIS.”

  5. Robin Lane

    Do people actually have time to read the garbage on this website.. Much less write it?? Get some facts worth reading. And… facts. I’m going to attempt to block this from showing up in my news feed. It’s barely.. anything. Get a life people.

    • Will Tedson

      Don’t worry, Rev. Black is close enough to an attorney; he grew up watching Ally McBeal and reruns of Perry Mason (not to mention Judge Judy). And he lived through the Johnny Cochran (“if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit”) O.J. trial. Make no mistake: Rev. Black is qualified!

  6. Skip Johnson

    The Bible says that he who deceives his neighbor and says, “Was I not joking?” is like a mad man who throws firebrands, arrows and death.

    This site should pay heed, as it is in violation of that Biblical prohibition of the wrong use of humor repeatedly.

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