COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University’s Village Market has declared bankruptcy after failing to sell any of its Valentine’s carob inventory. Despite starting to advertise the product in early January, the natural foods store confirmed that not one box sold.
“We are extremely disappointed that our Valentine’s carob investment did not pay off,” said Village Market representative Sabe Mal. The store had doubled down on a bet that a largely Adventist clientele would enthusiastically buy up stock, he said.
“Looks like we may have overestimated the popularity of this particular product,” said Mal, explaining that the dramatic hit to the bottom line had left the store unable to continue operations.
Mal defended the rationale of store management by pointing to the “hyper-active” dating scene at Southern. “We happen to have a student population that takes finding a mate in four years or less religiously. We just thought they would want to be equipped with the best seduction tools in Adventism.”
Mal said that despite the unfortunate closing of the natural foods store, there was reason to be optimistic as rumor has it a Little Debbie outlet would take its place.
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