Vatican to canonize Ellen White

VATICAN, Rome — Vatican officials have revealed plans to canonize Ellen G. White, the prolific writer and co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

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The surprising decision was made as a result of a papal review of White’s exemplary life of Christian devotion and service as well as her virtually miraculous ability to churn out book after book said Vatican spokesman, Rubrum Liber.

Traditional criteria for canonization include two miraculous works and a life of demonstrated piety. White’s repeated visions, her publishing empire and total devotion to Christian service “unquestionably ticked both boxes,” said Liber.

He stressed that White’s passion for the establishment of Christian educational institutions had led to one of the largest networks of private schools in the world and had impressed the Vatican. “While she may have written the odd critique of Rome we are looking at the big picture,” he added.

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  1. richard mills

    Will someone please cite the “miracles” performed by Sister White? Did she lay her hands on somebody’s head or body parts? Did anyone jump up from their bed of affliction in her presence? Was any dead person resurrected while Ellen was preaching or speaking? As for a life of piety, you should read what she wrote to many of the GC leaders when they refused to follow her suggestions! It’s all in the Testimonies. You pick any volume. Same goes for Special Testimonies A&B and Spiritual Guidance. The hair will stand on your neck!! You guys deserve some kind of Emmy award for your satirical remarks. It might be at the next GC Conference in Indianapolis!! Woe iz me!!

    • Adventist ??

      Richard, I imagine you write with tongue in cheek, but I have delved into the testimonies, talked to one of our pastors about the disturbing things I read, and was told I shouldn’t read the testimonies! I found in them a controller.
      Now! For me, it is the Bible and the Bible only. Really, only.

      • richard mills

        Bless your blessed soul, my dear Brother Adventist-As for your response, you may advance to the head of the line that is walking up that long , narrow precipice with the golden cord swinging at the end. When it comes your way, reach out, hang on tightly and you’ll reach the other side. Your pastor friends are all wrong. They are the bright lights to go out in the end times. I find the ‘red books’ very relaxing and informative. I may take them to Heaven when the time comes. See you later, Brother A

    • Kevin Storsman

      ​“Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. ​As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.​ ​In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.” I Tim. 5.19-21.

      • SDA REAL MAN!

        He found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, so he reached out and took it and killed a thousand men with it. 16Then Samson said, “With the jawbone of a donkey, Heaps upon heaps, With the jawbone of a donkey I have killed a thousand men.”…Judges 15:15-16. Beautiful!!!

  2. Ted Cruise

    If I am elected President, I will put a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and an E.G. White book in every bookcase. My wife Heidi, a former or backslidden SDA, will produce an audiobook version of The Great Controversy (no pun intended, about my interactions with Donald Tramp) while serving as First Lady. Next up will be Messages to Young People (no pun intended, in reaching out to the Burny Sanders crowd). Next will be Counsels to the Hopeless (no pun intended, about Hellery Clinton).

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