SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bold move inspired by Elon Musk’s federal efficiency crusade, the General Conference (GC) of Seventh-day Adventists emailed all 22 million members worldwide this week, demanding a list of “anything non-compliant (like work) accomplished last Sabbath.” The subject line, “Sabbath Pulse Check,” instructed members to submit five bullet points by Monday midnight, cc’ing their local pastors, with a stern warning: “No reply equals no potluck privileges.”
GC President Ted Wilson called it a “spiritual accountability audit” to ensure Sabbath holiness. “We’ve heard rumors of lawn mowing, tax filing, and—Lord forgive us—grocery shopping. This ends now,” he declared. The email cautioned against confessing “classified sins” like napping through sermons, urging members to keep it vague yet honest.
Reactions ranged from panic to defiance. One member from Boise admitted to “folding laundry in my heart,” while a Texas elder boasted of “rebuking a deacon mid-Sabbath for texting.” The Adventist Pastors’ Union decried the move as “legalism on steroids,” threatening a sermon strike. Meanwhile, online forums buzzed with memes of Wilson as a Sabbath cop. The GC insists it’s just “data collection,” but whispers of a “Great Compliance Controversy” are already brewing.
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