Liberal Adventist Can’t Find Revelation
Loma Linda, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of Revelation in his freshly dusted-off paraphrase of Read more […]
NAD Bans Beards in Headquarters Office
Columbia, Md. — The North American Division has banned anyone from entering its headquarters wearing a beard. The official update to the building dress code was announced today. The rationale Read more […]
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Bearded Delegates Declare Battle Creek Itchiest Annual Council on Record
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — 2018 Annual Council delegates rushed through post-meeting evaluation forms in Battle Creek this week in a mad rush to get back to their hotels and shave before catching Read more […]
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ABC stores sell out of “REPRIMANDED” T-shirts
UNITED STATES — Adventist Book Centers across the country have announced that they have sold out of “REPRIMANDED” T-shirts that were launched earlier this week. The T-shirts went Read more […]
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Annual Council Delegates Served Little Debbie Treats to Promote “Sweet Spirit”
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — The day directly after a controversial Annual Council 2018 vote on a murky “compliance document,” all delegates have been served Little Debbie snack cakes to promote a Read more […]
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GC Crossword Puzzle: 2018 Annual Council Edition!
Welcome to the Annual Council Game Compliance Committee! This committee is one of your friendly GC committees designed to make sure everyone plays games appropriately and within the guidelines of Read more […]
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Controversial Beard Grooming Compliance Document Faces Annual Council Vote
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — As participants arrive ahead of this year’s Annual Council meetings, the question on everyone’s mind is whether or not a much-discussed beard grooming compliance document Read more […]
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Check out the trailer for “Ellen vs the World,” an Adventist comedy web series
https://www.facebook.com/ellenvstheworld/videos/248982815820877/ We’re sure you are going to love the trailer for the new web comedy series, Ellen vs the World. Congrats to the Ellen vs the World Read more […]
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Liberal Adventist Would Feel More “Blessed” With Song Service Smoke Machine
PASADENA, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Lovey Dovey, has written an emoji-filled social media plea to the Southern Californian Conference decrying the complete absence of smoke machines in local Read more […]
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Annual Council Rebranded as “Annual Crisis”
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to more accurately describe the yearly October meetings of the General Conference Executive Committee, senior church leaders have chosen to rebrand Annual Council Read more […]
