COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University is set to launch an exhilarating new event designed to test the mettle of even the most devout Adventists: the “Run for the Hills” Tough Mudder. Inspired by the end-times scenarios often discussed in Adventist eschatology, this obstacle course promises participants a unique blend of fitness, faith, and fervent fleeing.
A Trial by Tribulation
The course, winding through the scenic Appalachian foothills, is not your average Tough Mudder. It features obstacles that simulate the grueling trials faced by those fleeing persecution during the End Times. Competitors will face hurdles such as:
– The Sunday Law Leap: Participants must vault over a series of barricades symbolizing the abrupt enforcement of Sunday laws.
– Mark of the Beast Mud Pit: Crawling through a pit of mud while evading volunteers dressed as, you guessed it, authorities demanding compliance.
– Persecution Plank: A precarious walk across a narrow beam, representing the tightrope of maintaining faith amidst adversity.
– The Great Disappointment Slide: A steep, slippery descent into a pit, reflecting the historical 1844 event and the sudden realization that the end isn’t quite here yet.
Training for this event is rigorous, involving both physical preparation and spiritual fortification. Southern has integrated this unique training regime into its physical education curriculum, ensuring students are well-prepared for both earthly and heavenly trials. “We want our students to be ready for anything,” said Coach R. U. Ready. “This event is the ultimate test of endurance, faith, and the ability to run like your life depends on it.”
Winners of the Run for the Hills will receive more than just bragging rights. Top finishers will be awarded golden crowns (plastic, of course), symbolizing their victorious perseverance. “And let’s not forget the real prize,” said event organizer Hope Fule. “A guarantee you can outrun the rest of us when the poop emoji really hits the fan.”
