So you’ve heard about the Time of Trouble your whole life. The hiding in the mountains, the food shortages, the “only the faithful will stand” drama. But let’s be real—are you actually ready? Take this super-scientific quiz to find out!
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1. Your phone dies unexpectedly. What do you do?
A. Panic. Then panic again. Then Google “How to survive without phone” on your dead phone.
B. Calmly pull out your backup battery pack, which you always keep fully charged in your backpack.
C. Whisper, “This is it—the end has come,” and start humming “We Have This Hope.”
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2. The power goes out in your neighborhood. How do you respond?
A. Cry into the freezer because all your vegan ice cream is melting.
B. Casually light one of the 47 soy candles you’ve stockpiled and continue reading Ellen White by candlelight.
C. Announce loudly to your neighbors: “THIS IS A DRILL.”
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3. How’s your camping game?
A. Last time you “camped,” it was at Oshkosh with a generator, air mattress, and smoothie blender.
B. You can pitch a tent, start a fire, and quote Daniel 7 simultaneously.
C. Camping? Isn’t that just “the Time of Trouble but with s’mores”?
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4. You’re hiding in the mountains and it starts raining. What’s your move?
A. Cry softly into your soggy Sabbath School Quarterly.
B. Fashion a waterproof shelter out of Pathfinder scarves and duct tape.
C. Declare that showers of blessing have arrived and proceed to preach to squirrels.
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5. You get separated from your group in the wilderness. What do you do?
A. Immediately build a makeshift WiFi tower out of twigs.
B. Use your Pathfinder compass and memory of obscure Ellen White passages to find your way back.
C. Accept your fate and start a one-person independent ministry.
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Results
Mostly A’s:
You are Not Ready at All. Honestly, the only “trouble” you’re prepared for is the WiFi going down during Netflix. Start practicing now—maybe turn off your phone for an afternoon. (Baby steps.)
Mostly B’s:
You are Time of Trouble MVP. Everyone’s going to want you in their end-times squad. You’ve been training for this moment since your first Pathfinder camporee. Respect.
Mostly C’s:
You are Spiritually Overconfident. You’ll be fine until you try to baptize a bear. Maybe tone it down just a notch and bring a flashlight.
