In a groundbreaking display of unanimous decision-making, the entire congregation of Peaceful Valley SDA Church demonstrated perfect unity last Sabbath by collectively avoiding Sister Margaret Johnson’s carob cake.
The Great Abstention
The meticulously prepared dessert, positioned optimistically between Sister Chen’s pineapple upside-down cake and a package of Little Debbies, achieved the impossible: making a fellowship lunch look like a well-coordinated protest. The untouched brown square sat in silent testimony to the congregation’s remarkable ability to reach across denominational differences and agree on at least one thing.
A Study in Avoidance Techniques
Church members exhibited remarkable creativity in their evasion strategies. Brother Thompson developed a sudden gluten allergy mid-reach for a dessert plate. The youth group, typically first in line for sweets, claimed they were “fasting for spiritual clarity.” Pastor Rick remembered an emergency hospital visit that didn’t exist, while the deacons discovered urgent offering counting duties that somehow coincided perfectly with dessert time.
The Aftermath
“I thought adding extra carob chips would make it more appealing,” Sister Johnson explained, while watching people perform Olympic-worthy reaching maneuvers around her creation to access other desserts. “At least the cake’s getting more exercise than anyone else at potluck.”
Looking Ahead
Sister Johnson has announced plans to bring her “improved” recipe next week, featuring a special blend of carob, garbanzo beans, and date sugar. In response, the church board has scheduled an emergency business meeting to discuss implementing a new “dessert sign-up system.” Several members have already begun drafting letters of transfer to nearby churches.
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