Adventist Church to require auditions before authorizing special music performances

ADVENTIST WORLD — Anyone wishing to provide special music at an Adventist church will need to be approved by a special auditioning process. Church leaders said that auditions can happen no Read more […]

Adventists forced to sign 14-page compliance document professing love for carob

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventists everywhere have been given 24 hours to sign a 14-page document professing agape love for carob. The document is full of confusing legalese promising “serious Read more […]

Adventist Church orders membership to dress like Ellen and James White

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a push to present a “unified Adventist Ā look” to the outside world, Adventist leaders have ordered members to dress exactly like James and Ellen White. Men have been Read more […]

Adventist BNB features best apartments in world for Sabbath naps

ADVENTIST WORLD — Recently launched Adventist BNB (Airbnb for Adventists) was honored by the General Conference Lay Ministries Department for featuring the best apartments in the world for Sabbath Read more […]

Rain drenches Silver Spring as heaven cries about today’s Annual Council meetings

BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — Torrential rain is drenching Silver Spring as the angelic hosts mourn today’s GC Annual Council meetings before they have even started. Wiping tears Read more […]

GC Executive Committee Members Spotted at International Spy Museum

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Annual Council is in full swing, but with a free afternoon on Friday, October 6, several members of the General Conference Executive Committee decided to sneak off to the Read more […]