SDA Yearbook to highlight rebel unions
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The 2017 edition and of the Seventh-day Adventist Yearbook will clearly mark entities of the church considered to be rebel unions. The rebel unions (so called because Read more […]
Adventist Church launches “PANIC!” dating app for single members over 30
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has launched the latest in a succession of dating apps for faithful members. PANIC! is specifically designed for single members aged 30 and above. “There Read more […]
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Adventist inbreeding results in peculiar people
Los Angeles, Calif. — Researchers at the University of Southern California have discovered that some of the quirks shared among Adventists are the result of intense inbreeding. “Adventists Read more […]
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Last two single students at Walla Walla get engaged
COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — Walla Walla University has confirmed that the final remaining single students at the university just got engaged to one another. Kristian Lentisimo got down on one Read more […]
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Indulgences line added to tithe envelopes
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist tithe envelopes are being reprinted to include a line for indulgences. A General Conference statement explaining the new “giving opportunity” said that it had Read more […]
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Adventist prays for sun to stand still so she can finish her Friday chores
LONDON, England — An Adventist woman paused in prayer this afternoon, pleading for the sun to stand still so she could finish her long list of chores before sunset. Franically listing the Read more […]
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GC to increase fundamental count to 95 to commemorate Reformation
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — In continued celebration of the 500th anniversary of the Reformation, the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church will be increasing the Read more […]
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GC celebrates 500th anniversary of Reformation by silencing dissent
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church celebrated the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation by putting unprecedented effort into silencing Read more […]
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Youth Pastor fired for justifying Sabbath snorkeling as “aquatic nature walk”
GLENDALE, Calif — A Youth Pastor in Southern California has been fired after taking his church teens snorkeling on Sabbath afternoon. “Traditionally, we Adventists can only wade on Sabbath, Read more […]
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Final Hour Catering makes potluck dishes on behalf of time-starved Adventists
ADVENTIST WORLD — Time-starved Adventists who have forgotten to make a potluck dish to bring to church can now order their dish from Adventist-owned Final Hour Catering. “There’s never enough Read more […]
