Uncategorized
We’re Talking About the Wrong Things and it’s Costing Adventism its Future
Every generation has its theological debates. That’s not new.
Still, something feels off.
Some of our conversations don’t seem to reach the places people are actually hurting.
We’re dissecting timelines while people...
Uncategorized
The Law Isn’t Legalism (Calm Down)
These days, talking seriously about the Ten Commandments feels like walking into a room full of raised eyebrows. But let’s breathe.
From a Seventh-day Adventist...
Uncategorized
No, You Can’t Hasten the Second Coming
Somewhere along the way, “sharing the gospel” turned into “speeding up Jesus.”
The idea usually leans on 2 Peter 3:12 about “hastening” the day of...
Uncategorized
ABC Stores Don’t Know What to Do With Leftover Carob
February 15th: chocolate’s gone, hearts are broken, and ABC stores are buried under a small mountain of carob. Carob hearts. Carob-covered raisins. Carob bars...
Uncategorized
Local Deacon Reminds Wife Submission Would Improve Communication Flow
SPRINGDALE, USA — Local deacon Mark Halvorsen confirmed Tuesday evening that he had lovingly intervened in what he described as “a minor tonal disruption”...
Uncategorized
English Is Over: The Global Church Is Moving On
Adventism has long assumed North American English was the default. The lingua franca. The accent of authority. The sound of faith. But that assumption...
Uncategorized
Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Bad at Trusting God
Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the idea that if we were really trusting God, we’d be calmer. Smoother. Less internally dramatic....
Uncategorized
In Defense of Adventism
Adventism is worth defending. Not the messy parts we pretend don’t exist, not the bureaucracy we confuse with faith—but the ideas that made this...
Uncategorized
Do You Ever Wonder Whether Adventist Satire Is Misunderstood by People Who Don’t Know the Church from the Inside?
Absolutely. That’s probably the central risk of doing satire from the inside of any faith community.
When you don’t know the church from the inside,...
Uncategorized
Adventists Say They’d Feel Much Better If His Name Was “Good Bunny”
SILVER SPRING, MD — A growing number of Adventists confirmed this week that their discomfort with the Super Bowl halftime show might be significantly...
Uncategorized
Conference Officials Remind Members That “The Investigative Judgment” Does Not Apply to Your Neighbor’s Choice of Lawn Ornament
TAKOMA PARK, MD — Conference officials issued a gentle reminder this week clarifying that the doctrine of the Investigative Judgment does not, in fact,...

