Uncategorized
10 Things Adventists Are Actually Allowed To Brag About
1. We Make It To 100 Like It’s A Group Assignment
Blue Zones keep bragging on us. We basically turned beans into a performance-enhancing drug.
2. Healthcare Is Kind Of Our...
Uncategorized
14 Things Adventists Miss About the 90s Church Era
Look, not everything was perfect — but let’s be honest: the 90s were peak Adventist vibes. Here’s what we miss:
Scandal aside, Robert Folkenberg had...
Uncategorized
7 Unspoken Rules Every Adventist Knows (But No One Ever Wrote Down)
7 Unspoken Rules Every Adventist Knows (But No One Ever Wrote Down)
1. You can’t just leave after church.
You have to linger in the foyer...
Uncategorized
Why Adventism Is Addicted to Fear — and How We Can Finally Detox
Fear built the Adventist brand.
Love will have to rebuild it.
For decades, we’ve measured faith by how much we tout the end.
How vigilant we are...
Sabbath
Sabbath Was Never Supposed to Be This Boring
The Sabbath wasn’t designed to drain life out of you—it was meant to pour life into you.
From the very beginning, Sabbath was about divine...
Uncategorized
The Unspoken Class Divide in Adventism
You can usually spot it before the opening hymn ends.
There’s the doctor family in their coordinated Sabbath outfits, the polished deacon whose tie costs...
Fundamental Beliefs
When God Doesn’t Fit in Your 28 Beliefs
You know that moment when you realize the universe might actually be bigger than your Sabbath School quarterly? Yeah, that one.
We Adventists love our...
Uncategorized
How Ready Are You for the Time of Trouble? (Take This Quiz to Find Out!)
So you’ve heard about the Time of Trouble your whole life. The hiding in the mountains, the food shortages, the “only the faithful will...
Uncategorized
BREAKING: GC President Köhler Joins the Heritage Singers, Says “I’ve Had Enough”
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a surprise career pivot, General Conference President Erton Köhler has announced he’s hanging up his presidential duties and officially...
Uncategorized
Jesus Upset Adventists Want to Leave Just as He Is Coming
In a celestial press release a spokes-angel has revealed that the Savior is genuinely puzzled by the Adventist Church's longstanding "Jesus is Coming, I...
Uncategorized
Why We Adventists Are So Good at Bible Study But So Bad at Living It
Let's be honest, Adventists: We're practically black belts in Bible study. You give us a passage, and we can dissect it, cross-reference it, and...