Wilson Bans Adventists From Using Hoverboards, Says They Facilitate Levitation

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson has a launched a full scale attack on the international hoverboard craze. After colliding with a caffeinated North American Division Read more […]

Re-elected Wilson Changes GC Session Theme Song to “I Shall Not Be Moved”

ST. LOUIS, Mo. — In remarks immediately following news of his re-election to a third term as General Conference President, Ted Wilson changed the 2022 GC Session theme song from “There is Read more […]

Supreme Court Nominee Pressed On Whether Ted Wilson Should Retire

WASHINGTON, D.C — As the confirmation hearings for US Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson raged yesterday, Jackson was shot a curveball question by Senator Noe Existo (R. Calif) who Read more […]

Ted Wilson to fight Manny Pacquiao for ADRA fundraising event

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In the first event of its kind, Ted Wilson, president of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, will fight boxing superstar and Filipino congressman Manny Pacquaio in Manila. Read more […]

Azure Hills Seventh-day Adventist Church invites Ted Wilson to be senior pastor

GRAND TERRACE, Calif. — The search committee seeking to replace recently retired Azure Hills Seventh-day Adventist Church Senior Pastor John Brunt has confirmed that they have asked current Read more […]

Ted Wilson’s email scrutinized amid allegations he exposed haystacks secrets

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist World Headquarters was completely aflutter today at the news that General Conference President Ted Wilson could face disciplinary action for questionable Read more […]

Ted Wilson and Dan Jackson to go on 7-day cruise to “work on the relationship”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Despite reports of tensions between General Conference President, Ted Wilson and North American Division President, Dan Jackson, the two Adventist leaders have issued a Read more […]

LEAK: “The Record Keeper” shutdown was marketing ploy

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A leak from the General Conference is taking the Adventist arts world by storm: According to an anonymous source, the controversial GC decision to shut down The Record Read more […]