Dating
By 2040, 98% of Adventists Projected to Be Kindly Grandmas Inquiring About Your Relationship Status
SILVER SPRING, Md. — New projections from the Adventist Statistics, Trends & Reports (ASTR) department suggest a demographic tipping point: if trends persist, every Adventist congregation will soon consist...
Dating
Hot Adventist Excels at Missionary Dating
SPLASH, FL — Unimpressed with the available singles at church, local Adventist Hannah has taken up missionary dating and suddenly every single unbeliever...
Dating
Adventist Single Swears She’s “Totally Content” – Has Wedding Playlist Ready Just in Case
BINFIELD, UK – Local Adventist single Sarah M., 29, has once again assured her Sabbath School class that she is “totally content” with her...
Dating
Love at First Sight or Last Resort? A Quiz for Adventist Singles
This quiz promises to reveal whether your Adventist romance is a match made in heaven or just a convenient way to silence your aunt's...
Dating
Singles Ministry Launches Missionary Dating Recovery Support Group
The North American Division Singles Ministry has announced the launch of a groundbreaking support group aimed at helping Adventists recover from their missionary dating...
Dating
8 Adventist-Approved Pick-Up Lines That Are Guaranteed to Fail
Looking for love in all the wrong pews? Fear not, lovelorn Adventist! We've compiled a list of pick-up lines that are so bad, they're...
Courtship
Adventist Singles Event Ends Early As Participants Realize They’re All Cousins
HOPE SPRINGS, CA — What was meant to be a weekend of spiritual growth and potential matchmaking for Adventist singles turned into an awkward...
Dating
Southern Promises Never to Invite Back “Gift of Singleness” Speaker
Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote...
Dating
Maybe We Should Just Start an Adventist Singles Monastery
Listen up, fellow BarelyAdventists. Is anyone else tired of the Adventist dating scene? The awkward silences at church functions? The endless stream of well-meaning...
Andrews University
Seminarian’s Song of Solomon Pickup Lines Fail Miserably
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Despite his best efforts, seminarian Ethan Thompson has discovered that employing pickup lines straight out of the Song of Solomon...
Dating
My 10 Failed Adventist Dates
Ugh. Adventist dating is rough, y'all. Let me tell you about the month from dating hell I just escaped. Ten. Whole. Dates. And what...