Evangelism
Why Importing Adventism Doesn’t Work
Somewhere right now, a missionary is landing in a new country with a PowerPoint titled “Daniel & the End Times (With Graphics!).” And somewhere else, a local church member...
Evangelism
The Real Reason Adventism Doesn’t Grow in the West (and It’s Not Because We Don’t “Preach the Truth” Enough)
The Real Reason Adventism Doesn’t Grow in the West (and It’s Not Because We Don’t “Preach the Truth” Enough)
Every time someone asks why Adventism...
Evangelism
GC Aims to Double Adventist Membership by Requiring Adventists to Have Twice as Many Babies
In a bold move to boost church growth, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has announced a controversial new initiative aimed at doubling the...
Evangelism
Adventist Vacationers Spend Entire Trip Trying to Convert Hotel Staff
Myrtle Beach, S.C. - Local Adventist couple Bob and Mildred Harrington recently returned from what they called a "mission trip" to a beachfront resort...
Evangelism
Summer Evangelism Series Rebranded as ‘Prophecy and Popsicles’ to Boost Attendance
In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their annual summer evangelism series, the Cooler Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has taken a bold new...
Evangelism
GC UNVEILS “Innovative” Plan to Spread 3 Angels’ Message Via Fax
SILVER SPRING, MD — In a move hailed as groundbreaking by those nostalgic for the 1980s, the General Conference has unveiled its latest strategy...
Evangelism
Evangelist Doesn’t Know Single Name of 1,000 He Baptized in Campaign
At last month’s evangelistic campaign, veteran evangelist Elder Thundersalot baptized an astounding 1,000 new converts into the Adventist church over the course of just...
Evangelism
GC Announces Plans to Distribute 1 Billion 28 Fundamentals VHS Tapes Globally
In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: "Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!"...
Evangelism
It Is Written: Cat Videos Are the Future of Evangelism
Hold onto your catnip, Adventist internet, because It Is Written is about to get lit... with the power of fluffy paws! In a bold...
Baptism
Baptism Embargo In Place Until Next Crusade
Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long "Baptism Embargo" until the big event. The embargo, they claim,...
Evangelism
3 Angels Balloon Shot Down
TUMBLEWEED, Calif. - The United States Air Force shot down a standard issue General Conference Three Angels hot air balloon over a rural area...