Local Adventist Hopes Nobody Can Tell He Hasn’t Studied Sabbath School Lesson

In a daring act of spiritual recklessness, Jeremy Paulsen plans on winging it bigtime in his Sabbath School class discussion this week. The 34-year-old marketing manager has not so much as cracked Read more […]

Area Adventist Hides Light Under Bushel, Starts Fire

Instead of shining his light all around the neighborhood, local Adventist Luke Warm made the ill-advised decision to hide his light under a bushel earlier today. A mere spark from Warm’s light Read more […]

Cliff Goldstein Keeping Track Of Who’s Late To Sabbath School

ADVENTIST WORLD — Sabbath School lesson editor, Cliff Goldstein, has let slip he is keeping detailed records of Adventists that come late to Sabbath School. The author has been working with Read more […]

Sabbath School exams to identify Adventists that don’t study quarterly

ADVENTIST WORLD — Starting this weekend, Adventists will be subjected to Sabbath School exams to test their knowledge of the quarterly. The weekly exams will take place right before the start Read more […]

Derek Morris fired for not getting through entire week of lesson studies

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Hope Channel President Pastor Derek Morris has been fired from his position after failing to get through the entire week of lesson studies on his Hope Sabbath School program. The Read more […]

GC removes clapping/stomping from “If you’re happy and you know it”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Childrens’ Sabbath School departments and summer camps across the Adventist world have been urgently advised to “remove all references to clapping and stomping from the Read more […]

Sabbath School editor Clifford Goldstein recruits Jon Stewart to spice up quarterly

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Closet Adventist fans of Comedy Central’s recently-exited Daily Show satirist Jon Stewart, were delighted to hear than the funnyman has been recruited to give the Seventh-day Read more […]

Adventists seek reasons to justify watching Bruce Jenner interview on Friday night

HINSDALE, Ill. —- Curiosity and anticipation ran high in the weeks preceding Diane Sawyer’s interview with former Olympian Bruce Jenner for millions of Americans, even Adventists. Although Read more […]