GC introduces term limits for pro-women’s ordination church leaders

BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time in the history of the Adventist church, term limits for General Conference and division-level officers will be introduced. There’s Read more […]

GC: Women can be ordained as housewives

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference officials have been working hard to offer some form of concession to placate advocates of women’s ordination who were bitterly disappointed by the GC Read more […]

Taylor Swift commissioned to lead crusty GC crowd in “Shake it Off”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — In an effort to lift the funk that has settled over General Conference San Antonio delegates and attendees, session organizers have enlisted some star power for tonight’s Read more […]

San Antonio sells out of Kleenex overnight

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Record purchases of Kleenex products by teary-eyed Adventists last night have completely cleaned out greater San Antonio stores of their stock. Starting at about 7:00 PM Read more […]

Emotional GC vote confirms horse and buggy as only Adventist transport

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — After decades of earnest study and impassioned debate on the issue, Adventists voted overwhelmingly today to uphold the church’s stance on the horse and buggy as the sole Read more […]

Alamodome on lockdown following women’s ordination vote until both sides hug it out

BREAKING NEWS SAN ANTONIO, Texas — General Conference Session parliamentarians have announced an absolute lockdown of the Alamodome at GC San Antonio until the delegates who have just voted Read more […]

Slide show: 28 Fundamental Reasons Adventists Should Ordain Women

If you are anything like us, you may be dealing with information overload with all the arguments for or against women’s ordination. To help illustrate the issues we thought a little slide show about why to ordain women would be in order.

Female delegates to boycott GC San Antonio

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “The General Conference San Antonio World Session has been upgraded and will now take the form of a men’s conference,” said lead organizer Solo Muchachos to Adventist press Read more […]