Adventist Rides Headfirst To Avoid Backsliding

SPLISHY, Ga. – Ever the conscientious church member, local Adventist Kanon Kula returned to his newly-reopened water park determined to have nothing but righteous fun. Despite clearly posted Read more […]

PAW Patrol: The Movie To Be Set In Loma Linda

Everyone’s favorite pups will not be saving lives in their hometown of Adventure Bay in PAW Patrol: The Movie. The hotly-anticipated feature-length production is instead set in California’s Read more […]

Adventist Version Of “The Bachelor” Canceled After Last Eligible Man Marries

It’s been a rough day for producers of The Adventist Bachelor, an Adventist reality show promising to be the best thing to happen to Adventist television since Doug Batchelor’s first on-stage Read more […]

Desperate Housewives Of Loma Linda To Debut On Hope Channel

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – In the first Adventist attempt at a reality show, Hope Channel started filming The Desperate Housewives of Loma Linda earlier this week. The all-Adventist cast of the Read more […]

Adventist Netflix Companion App Suggests Fast-Forward Scenes For Titles

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an attempt to “take the awkwardness out of movie night,” the Adventist Church has created HopStop, a companion app to Netflix. HopStop covers every show or movie on Read more […]

Adventists Launch Humility Olympics

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bid to encourage humility among members, the Adventist Church has announced a brand new event on the denominational calendar. The Humility Olympics will feature Read more […]

Netflix: Next Season Of The Crown To Feature GC Elections

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Netflix has made the decision to give the British Royal Family a break for the next season of hit series The Crown. The show will instead focus on the upcoming General Conference Read more […]

“Cats” So Bad GC Tried To Cancel It

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference announced today that it did its “honest part” to keep box office bomb Cats from being shown in theaters. A delegation from the Adventist headquarters’ Read more […]

Adventist Dictionary Defines Labor Day As “Unsabbathy Sabbath”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The official Adventist dictionary that makes sense of everything from 1844 to “the daily” defines Labor Day for the first time in its latest edition. The volume defines Read more […]