Loma Linda Releases “Nothing Is Impossible Burger”

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University nutritionists launched the Nothing Is Impossible Burger earlier today in a bid to “reassert Adventist veggie product mojo” in an increasingly crowded Read more […]

Conveyor Belts To Speed Up Adventist Potluck Lines

ADVENTIST WORLD – Sabbath potlucks will never be the same again. In response to decades of complaints from Adventists about potluck line wait times, the denomination has made the decision Read more […]

Churches to Officially Rank Potluck Dishes Each Sabbath

ADVENTIST WORLD — Potluck dishes at Adventist churches will be officially ranked as of this Sabbath. A church board subcommittee at each congregation will be assigned to pre-taste each dish Read more […]

Mueller Investigation Finds Mustard Stash in GC Basement

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what has universally been acknowledged as the biggest bust of the operation so far, the Mueller Investigation has discovered what it calls a “robust stash of grade A Read more […]

7 Up Named “Most Adventist Soda”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first in its history, the Adventist Church has endorsed a soda. Today, the denomination named 7 Up as the “Most Seventh-day Adventist Soda,” citing not just its Read more […]

Newly-approved compliance document forces all Adventists to follow same recipe for potluck lasagna

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church’s General Conference Administrative Committee voted on Tuesday, July 17, a potluck veggie lasagna recipe document recommended by the Read more […]

Adventists urged to avoid unequally yoked omelets

ADVENTIST WORLD — Leaders of the Adventist Church are warning members of the perils of eating unequally yoked omelets. “Unequally yoked omelets may look fluffy and delicious at first glance Read more […]

Report: Adventists “living proof” vegetarians can get fat

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Anyone curious as to whether vegetarians can pile on the pounds over the holidays need look no further than the average Adventist congregation say researchers at Loma Linda Read more […]