Adventist leaders announce “haystacks-related” 29th fundamental belief

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A new fundamental belief for the Seventh-day Adventist Church is in the pipeline according to an official statement from the General Conference. Although the exact language Read more […]

Fritos pays tithe to Seventh-day Adventist Church as thanks for haystacks business

PLANO, Tex. — Frito-Lay announced this morning that it had commenced paying a ten percent tithe to the Seventh-day Adventist Church on net revenue from sales of its popular Fritos corn chips. The Read more […]

Taco Bell grants Adventist request, rebrands taco salad as “haystacks”

IRVINE, Calif. — In a move celebrated by Seventh-day Adventist Taco Bell-lovers across the United States, the fast-food chain has agreed to a longstanding Adventists request to rebrand all of Read more […]

Ted Wilson’s email scrutinized amid allegations he exposed haystacks secrets

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist World Headquarters was completely aflutter today at the news that General Conference President Ted Wilson could face disciplinary action for questionable Read more […]

Southwestern Adventist University cashes in on Tex-Mex heritage, offers haystacks degree

KEENE, Texas — “We trust that this will settle the question of which is the ‘most Adventist’ of Adventist universities,” said Bubba Bigger, a Southwestern Adventist University spokesperson, Read more […]

Haystacks fans horrified as GC delegates name Special K Loaf “only Adventist staple”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Panicked shrieks and an as-of-yet unconfirmed tally of fall injuries greeted a vote by stone-cold General Conference Session delegates to crown Special K Loaf as the “only Read more […]

OBG – Seventh-day Adventist Church wins copyright to term “haystacks” in historic ruling

WASHINGTON DC — In an historic Supreme Court ruling announced today, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has been awarded exclusive copyright of the term “haystacks.” The decision Read more […]