La Sierra’s graduate school offers last-ditch marriage hope to aging Adventist singles

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — An annual General Conference report has found that, despite the best efforts of Adventist undergraduate schools around the world, “an alarming percentage of Adventist college Read more […]

Adventist pews rated least comfortable in Christendom

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a Pew Research Center survey of Christian attitudes toward the comfort level of their church pews, Seventh-day Adventists have given their pews the worst rating of any Read more […]

Adventists rush to erect pagan moments in church before Christmas

Adventist congregations across America are working flat out recruiting their best volunteers to erect huge monuments to paganism before the biggest deadline on the Christian calendar. Although Read more […]

PUC to host mass burning of Ryan Bell-era yearbooks

ANGWIN, Calif. — Administrators at Pacific Union College have invited anyone in possession of PUC yearbooks from the 1989/1990 and 1990/1991 school years, to throw them on a Halloween bonfire Read more […]

BarelyAdventist’s first-ever audio interview

We have never, ever done an audio interview before so we were pretty excited when TheHaystack.tv interviewed us for their very cool and relatively new podcast. Check it out at this link. Here’s Read more […]

Michigan Conference bans sex on Sabbath, says it’s work

LANSING, Mich. — Never a conference to shy away from taking a hard line on controversial issues, the Michigan Conference has officially banned sex on Sabbath among its membership. “Not only Read more […]

Southwestern Adventist University cashes in on Tex-Mex heritage, offers haystacks degree

KEENE, Texas — “We trust that this will settle the question of which is the ‘most Adventist’ of Adventist universities,” said Bubba Bigger, a Southwestern Adventist University spokesperson, Read more […]

GC Adventists refuse to leave, crown San Antonio “Adventist Salt Lake”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Halfway through the day after the closing ceremonies of the General Conference Session, tens of thousands of Adventists have announced their intent to stay in San Antonio. Although Read more […]

Haystacks fans horrified as GC delegates name Special K Loaf “only Adventist staple”

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Panicked shrieks and an as-of-yet unconfirmed tally of fall injuries greeted a vote by stone-cold General Conference Session delegates to crown Special K Loaf as the “only Read more […]