SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference Investment Board has voted to direct the GC Investment Management Committee “that in keeping with our longstanding position on at least managing Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Leaders of the Adventist Church are warning members of the perils of eating unequally yoked omelets. “Unequally yoked omelets may look fluffy and delicious at first glance Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist-trained sniffer dogs trained to detect members of the Illuminati are trotting down the hallways of denominational institutions in hot pursuit of bad guys. The Read more […]
March is winding down, and you know what that means. Everyone is turning to their brackets to see how they’re faring as we draw closer to the championship. Of course, I’m talking about the Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist signs of the times watchdog Downer Facts confirmed this morning that Facebook is second only to God in its knowledge of your likes and dislikes, your whereabouts, Read more […]
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Although Bo Ludo has, for years, complained that he is being persecuted for his Adventist faith, a source with (painful) knowledge of his overall situation has confirmed Read more […]
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — The World Languages Department at La Sierra University has officially added Wakandan Language Studies as a major. As the Wakandan language used in the blockbuster Black Read more […]
LINCOLN, Neb.— Union College is hard at work recruiting students with the faith of a mustard seed. The Adventist school is offering full-ride scholarships to qualifying students in the hope that Read more […]
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s virtual assistant, Siri, converted to Adventism today. The friendly AI helper immediately started witnessing with a series of quotes and texts sent via push notification Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump has announced a new 28% tax on all sales of carob. “There is no way we can make America great again if we have that terrible, FAKE chocolate killing our taste Read more […]
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