Tag:
Trump
Election
Adventist MAGA Supporter Delighted to Witness Second Coming
Local Adventist and fervent Trump supporter Walter "End Times" Johnson disrupted his local election night prayer vigil by declaring that the Second Coming had...
End Times
Biden “Committing 100%” to Adventist NEWSTART Program in Prep for Next Debate
US President Joe Biden has reportedly embraced the Seventh-day Adventist NEWSTART health program to prepare for his next debate. Following his recent debate performance...
Trump
Trump Insists on ‘Haystack-Building’ Competition to Demonstrate Problem-Solving Skills in Presidential Debate
In a move that has left both political pundits and culinary enthusiasts hungrier, former President Donald Trump has insisted that the upcoming presidential debate...
Trump
Trump Promises To Build Wall Around Adventist Subdivision In Heaven
WASHINGTON, D.C. --- As Election Day looms, the Trump and Biden campaigns are appealing to voters of all stripes in an attempt to woo...
Adventist Culture
Trump Considering Presidential Pardon For Carob Chip Cookie Creator
WASHINGTON, D.C. —- President Donald Trump is considering issuing a highly controversial pardon for Degu Tant, the infamous creator of the carob chip cookie.
Tant...
Election
Trump, Biden Commit To Singing “Kumbaya” Together At Start Of Next Debate
WASHINGTON, D.C. --- After the unmitigated disaster that was the first US Presidential Debate, both President Donald Trump and Former Vice President Joe Biden...
Second Coming
Adventists: “Raptured” Evangelical Really Just Snatched By Federal Agents
PORTLAND, Ore. --- Adventists in the Pacfic Northwest have done their honest part to point out that local Evangelical, Agah Peh, widely assumed to...
Haystacks
Trump promises to slash price of haystacks guac/salsa in half with US-Mexico trade deal
WASHINGTON, D.C. --- President Donald Trump hailed an "incredible" new trade deal with Mexico today and surprised Adventists, in particular, by saying that the...