Adventist paranoia
When Obedience Becomes Fear: Untangling Faith from Anxiety
If you grew up Adventist, obedience often came packaged with a side of anxiety.
Did I say the right thing in Sabbath School?
Did I pray correctly before dinner?
Did I avoid...
Academic Freedom
GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority
Silver Spring, MD - In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement...
Adventist paranoia
The Complete Guide to Adventist Extremists
Every Adventist congregation has at least one member that is super hardcore in some way. In the spirit of spotting and understanding such crusaders,...
Adventist paranoia
Things That Scare Adventists
There are a few things that push the Adventist fear button HARD. Here are a few:
Date setting
It started with the Millerites and their Great...
Adventist paranoia
Report: COVID-19 Vaccine Ready As Soon As It Can Be Stamped By Mark Of Beast
WASHINGTON D.C. —- Assuring Americans a COVID-19 vaccine would soon be ready, Astral Zenith labs said the vials just needed one final ingredient before...
Adventist paranoia
FAITHFUL: Local Adventist Labels Every CDC Recommendation A Religious Liberty Denial
ADVENTIST WORLD --- Local Adventist Bill Miller has spent the last several months on social media in a bold crusade against the Centers for...
Adventist paranoia
Nashville Residents Just Happy To Be Alive
NASHVILLE, Tenn. --- As the clock struck midnight, a van full of residents of Nashville wearily began the drive back to their entirely undamaged...
Adventist paranoia
Low Blow: Judgy Deacon Says He’ll “Pray For You”
Adventist World --- Bad news: known for being a thoroughly judgy dude, your local head deacon has just told you that he is going...
Adventist paranoia
GC challenges One Project leaders to prove Adventism by reciting Pathfinder Pledge & Law from memory
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- General Conference administrators have issued a strongly-worded statement challenging One Project leaders to prove their Adventist identities by flawlessly reciting...
Adventist paranoia
Adventist sniffer dogs detect Illuminati
ADVENTIST WORLD --- Adventist-trained sniffer dogs trained to detect members of the Illuminati are trotting down the hallways of denominational institutions in hot pursuit...
Adventist paranoia
Car with 666 license plate towed from church parking lot
Glendale, Calif. --- This week's Sabbath service at Chevy Chases Adventist Church was interrupted repeatedly with calls for "the owner of a white Honda...