Monday, September 29, 2025

Creationism

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Baptism

GC: La Sierra-Based Baptisms Require Redo Elsewhere

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — A flood of rebaptisms is expected to hit Southern California after a GC edict released earlier today requiring anyone baptized on or near the La Sierra...
Creationism

Apple: Even Adam & Eve Loved Our Products

CUPERTINO, Calif. --- A team of Old Testament scholars recently hired by Apple have uncovered what they call "unmistakable evidence the first humans loved...
Courtship

Loma Linda Blood Test Determines If Couples Are Equally Yoked

BREAKING NEWS LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- An interdisciplinary team of researchers at Loma Linda University announced today that they have perfected a blood test that...
Creationism

Cracked iPhone screens revealed to be the result of The Fall

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. --- Old Testament scholars at the Andrews University-based Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary have confirmed that cracked iPhone screens are a direct...
Academic Freedom

Adventist Church to stock Noah’s Ark replica with every living beast for floating zoo

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The Adventist Church has announced plans to fill a full-scale Noah's Ark replica with "every living beast" for a floating...
Adventist paranoia

Adventist Risk Management hawks Home Alone booby traps as Time of Trouble protection

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Adventist Risk Management has launched a major advertising campaign to drive sales of what a press release calls "Home Alone-style...
Adventist Culture

Science professors at Adventist universities to be replaced by pastors

ST. GEORGE, Utah --- "There's good news and there's bad news," announced James Tuber, organizer of the International Conference on the Bible and Science...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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