Preaching
How to Survive an Awful Sermon (Without Losing Your Religion)
We’ve all been there. You came to church hoping for spiritual renewal… and instead, you got 67 minutes of “In conclusion…” that started 30 minutes ago.Here’s your official BarelyAdventist...
Preaching
Dear Adventist Clock Watchers: We See You
We see you. Every Sabbath. You think you’re being subtle, but no. Your eyes flick up to the wall clock like it owes you...
Preaching
Pastor Considering Eliminating Sermon Altogether Since Worship Leader Just Repeats Everything Anyway
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Pastor Jed Dumas of Berbose Community Adventist Church is seriously considering eliminating his weekly sermon altogether, citing the fact that his...
Preaching
Adventist Pastor’s Attempt to Emulate Hulk Hogan’s RNC Shirt-Rip During Sermon Goes Horribly Wrong
In a misguided attempt to connect with younger churchgoers, Pastor Brock "The Rock" Johnson of Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church found himself in a precarious...
Preaching
Local Pastor’s Sermon on Patience Interrupted by Impatient Congregation
Pastor John Longwind's sermon on the virtue of patience was cut short by his increasingly restless congregation at the "Tarry-a-While Seventh-day Adventist Church."
The sermon,...
Preaching
Pastor Bored By Own Sermon
Pastor Daniel Remmings shifted his weight from one foot to the other, staring out over the congregation with heavy-lidded eyes. He cleared his throat...
Preaching
Congregation Perks Up As Soon as Pastor Sheds Weekly Sermon Tears
Pastor Terry Aise, a man whose booming voice could rival a foghorn on a foggy day, roared into his third point. Flowing River SDA...
Preaching
Congregation Faces Existential Crisis as Pastor Transcends Noon Sermon Limit
Bumbleton, Iowa - December 28, 2023 - The devoted assembly at Uptite Seventh-day Adventist Church, celebrated for its unwavering programming precision and steadfast Sabbath...
Preaching
God Wondering if Pastor Almost Done With Sermon
Pastor Perkins’ Sabbath sermon, a meandering odyssey through the Book of Numbers, had long ago passed the point of diminishing returns. Up in the...
Preaching
Congregation Sure Pastor Just Adlibbed Entire Sermon
Members of Windy Road SDA silently took to texting each other 35 minutes into their pastor’s sermon this Sabbath as it became painfully clear...
Preaching
Kid Optimistically Asks For Seventh Time if Sermon Almost Over
At Droneville SDA young Timmy's patience wore thin as the sermon dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Pastor Snoreworth’s droning was enough to...