Over-caffeinated Andrews seminarian thinks God crashed his car

ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — What was supposed to be a morning flaunt with a certain sinful caffeinated beverage turned into a lesson from God yesterday morning. Felipe Sucre was already running late Read more […]

Nelson’s salary slashed for suggesting shorter sermons in Adventism

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — One of the best known evangelists in Seventh-day Adventism has seen his salary slashed by 50 percent for suggesting that sermon times in the denomination should clock Read more […]

OBG – Slide show: 12 ways to swear like an Adventist

Look what we dug up from the archives! Advertise on BarelyAdventist SPONSORED LINKS Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted. Follow Read more […]

Adventist crime hotline established to report Sabbath breakers

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church has established a robustly-staffed hotline to which members can report each other of suspected Sabbath violations. Members Read more […]

Candidates visit Loma Linda, hire rival CHIP lifestyle coaches

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a bid to convince voters they are healthy enough to win the presidency, both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have signed up for personalized CHIP (Complete Health Improvement Read more […]

Seventh-day Adventist Church endorses “perfectly-numbered” iPhone 7

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In the first Apple product endorsement in Seventh-day Adventist history, church leaders released a statement today extolling the virtues of the “perfectly numbered” iPhone Read more […]

Theology major marches around crush seven times to bring her defenses down

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Junior Theology major Nedlan Flanners was seen earlier today somberly marching in circles around an utterly confused girl on the campus of Southern Adventist University. Although Read more […]

OBG – Slide Show: 15 things Adventists say, decoded

Look what we dug up from the archives! Advertise on BarelyAdventist SPONSORED LINKS Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted. Follow Read more […]

Report: Adventist inbreeding results in genetic weakness for haystacks

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University’s School of Public Health have detected a genetic weakness in multigenerational Adventists that renders them “defenseless against the Read more […]