Adventist Small Talk 101
Adventist small talk: where weather forecasts morph into potluck planning, and the occasional end-time prophecy gets tossed in like a conversational sprinkle. It’s a delightful labyrinth, or a Read more […]
End Times Sermon Interrupted by Member Asking if Potluck is Still On
Pastor Bartholomew Thompson’s sermon on the impending apocalypse took a dramatic nosedive this Sabbath, thanks to an unexpected inquiry from the congregation. As Thompson weaved a tapestry of biblical Read more […]
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From Tofu to Testimony: The Ethics of Turning Cooking Classes into Conversions
Hey there, BarelyAdventist fam! We’ve got a sizzling topic on the menu today: the ethics of turning cooking classes into conversions. We Adventists love to host vegetarian cooking classes aimed Read more […]
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Youth Pastor’s Attempt to Make Sabbath School ‘Lit’ Results in Confusion, Fire Department Visit
In a desperate attempt to make Sabbath School relevant to the ever-elusive “youth demographic,” Brother Chad, the enthusiastic but slightly misguided youth pastor at Harmony Hills Adventist Church, Read more […]
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GC Recommends Extra Long Skirts for Maximum Modesty During Time of Trouble
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference sent out an urgent announcement today reminding members of the need for “maximum modesty throughout the Time of Trouble.” In a press release Read more […]
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7 Reasons to Lay Off Pastor’s Kids
Alright, Adventist fam, let’s talk about the elephant in the sanctuary – pastor’s kids. We all know they practically come pre-ordained, right? Wrong! But before you launch into a full-on spiritual Read more […]
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Family Excited to Be Missionaries Wherever Jesus Leads — as Long as it’s in Hawaii
Forget mud huts and malaria, the Johnson family has a new definition of missionary work: “paradise with a purpose.” This sun-kissed clan is swapping Bibles for beach towels in their quest to spread Read more […]
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Survey: Most Adventists Don’t Actually Know What They Believe (But They’re Sure Everyone Else is Wrong)
A recent survey conducted among Adventists has revealed a surprising trend: many members of the faith aren’t entirely sure about what they believe. Despite this uncertainty, they remain steadfastly Read more […]
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Top 5 Signs You’re More Belshazzar Than You Think (Spoiler Alert: We All Are a Little Bit)
None of us want to be compared to Belshazzar, the Babylonian king who partied while his kingdom crumbled around him. But the truth is, we all have a little bit of Belshazzar in us. Here are 5 Read more […]
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Local Church Discovers Love is More Important Than Actually Knowing Stuff About the Bible
BREAKING NEWS: In a groundbreaking theological discovery, a local Adventist church has unveiled a revolutionary approach to faith: ditch the doctrine, embrace the feels! Yes, you read that Read more […]
