Family Excited to Be Missionaries Wherever Jesus Leads — as Long as it’s in Hawaii

Forget mud huts and malaria, the Johnson family has a new definition of missionary work: “paradise with a purpose.” This sun-kissed clan is swapping Bibles for beach towels in their quest to spread Read more […]

Survey: Most Adventists Don’t Actually Know What They Believe (But They’re Sure Everyone Else is Wrong)

A recent survey conducted among Adventists has revealed a surprising trend: many members of the faith aren’t entirely sure about what they believe. Despite this uncertainty, they remain steadfastly Read more […]

Top 5 Signs You’re More Belshazzar Than You Think (Spoiler Alert: We All Are a Little Bit)

None of us want to be compared to Belshazzar, the Babylonian king who partied while his kingdom crumbled around him. But the truth is, we all have a little bit of Belshazzar in us. Here are 5 Read more […]

Local Church Discovers Love is More Important Than Actually Knowing Stuff About the Bible

BREAKING NEWS: In a groundbreaking theological discovery, a local Adventist church has unveiled a revolutionary approach to faith: ditch the doctrine, embrace the feels! Yes, you read that Read more […]

Trump Promises To Build Wall Around Adventist Subdivision In Heaven

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Election Day looms, the Trump and Biden campaigns are appealing to voters of all stripes in an attempt to woo them. Both candidates are scraping the barrel when it comes Read more […]

Why Old School Liberals Are Irrelevant to Young Adventists

#NOTsatire Attempting to pitch old school liberal Adventist views to today’s young Adventists is a bit like trying to convince them that dial-up internet is the future of connectivity. It’s Read more […]

7 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Embarrassed to be Adventist

Here at BarelyAdventist we think it’s healthy to laugh at ourselves. But we love our Church and want it to be the best it can be. So as much as we joke about our idiosyncrasies, we also think Read more […]

New Rule: Adventists That Can’t Play An Instrument Must Seek Rebaptism

Non-musical Adventists will need to re-enter the watery grave thanks to new guidance from the GC department of music compliance. The rationale for the new rule is that members that don’t play Read more […]