Adventist parents breathe sigh of relief as Justin Timberlake performs wardrobe malfunction-free Super Bowl halftime show

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Adventist parents across the United States breathed a collective sigh of relief as Justin Timberlake concluded his Super Bowl halftime show last night without a single wardrobe Read more […]

Even Heaven’s angels admit Del Delker was an amazing soloist

HEAVEN – As the Adventist world mourned the passing of Voice of Prophecy soloist Del Delker, even the heavenly angels testified to the singer’s incredible talents. “Del was one of the best Read more […]

Car with 666 license plate towed from church parking lot

Glendale, Calif. — This week’s Sabbath service at Chevy Chases Adventist Church was interrupted repeatedly with calls for “the owner of a white Honda with 666 plates” to remove the vehicle from Read more […]

Adventist boasts amazing ability to make any board game Sabbath-appropriate

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Setlar Catan, a self-described Adventist “board game fanatic” has quickly become an Adventist celebrity after claiming that he knows how to make absolutely any board game Read more […]

Adventist found guilty of Sabbath swimming after falling in pool

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Supreme Court has found a member guilty of Sabbath swimming despite what he claims was an entirely accidental fall into a friend’s pool. The incident which Read more […]

Adventist church greeters required to use breath mints

ADVENTIST WORLD — In a move towards fresher hospitality for Adventist churches, greeters will be required to use breath mints as of this coming Sabbath. The new policy was established after Read more […]

Southern increases student fines to keep up with inflation

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University has raised the price of students fines to keep up with inflation. All of the items on the university’s impressively comprehensive list of Read more […]