Siri converts to Adventism
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s virtual assistant, Siri, converted to Adventism today. The friendly AI helper immediately started witnessing with a series of quotes and texts sent via push notification Read more […]
Trump slaps 28% tax on sales of carob
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump has announced a new 28% tax on all sales of carob. “There is no way we can make America great again if we have that terrible, FAKE chocolate killing our taste Read more […]
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False prophets predicting Oscar winners
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has sent out a special warning to its membership about false prophets that are predicting Oscar winners this year. “There Read more […]
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GC refuses to own shares in Coca Cola but has investments in Weapons Industry #wishitweresatire
Today we are running a story we wish were satire: SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Norwegian Union of the Adventist Church has appealed to the General Conference to withdraw it’s investments in weapons Read more […]
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Anti-The One Project activists launch The 28 Project
Adventist World — Right on the heels of the final gathering of The One Project, a group of activists that opposed the movement have launched The 28 Project. Blasting The One Project’s theme Read more […]
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Adventist leaders pledge to grow out their eyebrows in remembrance of Billy Graham
Adventist World — In honor of Billy Graham’s passing, General Conference officials have modified a contest among world leaders of the Adventist denomination. The leaders were originally racing Read more […]
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Californian Adventist Googles “What is the Second Coming?”
BURBANK, Calif. — A lifelong 30-something Southern Californian Adventist Googled “What is the Second Coming?” this morning and was absolutely astounded by his search results. “This Read more […]
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GC organizes Wakanda Union Conference after ‘Black Panther’ screening
SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC administrators have organized the Wakanda Union Conference in a record-breaking 24-hour flurry of bureaucratic activity. The decision to create the new union happened Read more […]
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Wilson announces he is “done with neckties”
KATHMANDU, Nepal — Dressed head to toe in traditional Nepali fashion, General Conference President Ted Wilson announced today that he was “done with neckties.” Speaking live from Kathmandu, Read more […]
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Cracked iPhone screens revealed to be the result of The Fall
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Old Testament scholars at the Andrews University-based Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary have confirmed that cracked iPhone screens are a direct result of The Read more […]
