Southern’s entire class of 2015 hired by Little Debbie

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Mere weeks after the 2015 graduation exercises, Southern Adventist University administration has announced that 100 percent of the school’s graduating seniors have found Read more […]

Pope invites Doug Batchelor for peace talks

VATICAN — In an intriguing move by the Vatican, Pope Francis has invited veteran Adventist evangelist and staunch papal critic Doug Batchelor to Rome for peace talks. The invitation comes Read more […]

GC San Antonio to feature vegetarian-only preferred seating

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Event organizers have announced that this summer’ s General Conference Session will feature preferred seating for vegetarians. Floor seating close to the stage in the Read more […]

Adventist relieved new Waco villains are bikers

WACO, Texas — “It took 22 years but finally the most talked about villains in Waco are bikers, not an Adventist offshoot,” said church Public Relations Analyst Chip Spinner, echoing the sentiments Read more […]

Newly baptized Adventist told she can now stop thinking

Fresh from the waters of baptism and — before that — significant soul searching and Bible study, Bethany Olson has been told by her new Adventist brothers and sisters that she can stop thinking. Read more […]

Rival churches fight to recruit cute kids for lambs’ offering

LOS ANGELES,Calif. — The Southern California Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has declared a state of emergency in the greater Los Angeles area as an all-out battle rages between Adventist Read more […]

Adventists: Ben Carson punished for eating ham by losing tooth

BREAKING NEWS GREENVILLE, S.C. — Adventists around the United States are pointing to an incident today involving Adventist presidential candidate Ben Carson as a reason not to eat ham. Read more […]

Little Debbie to offer healthy eating lectures at GC San Antonio

BREAKING NEWS: SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Adventist-owned snack cake giant Little Debbie (owned by parent company McKee Foods) has announced plans to open a mega-tent outside the San Antonio Read more […]

Tom Brady to spend Deflategate suspension coaching La Sierra flag football

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Bad news for New England Patriots fans may just have turned into the best news La Sierra University has received in years. As news broke that Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady Read more […]

Walla Walla campus cop arrested for (badly) impersonating an officer

COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — Walla Walla Campus Safety officer Doug Holster was arrested by College Place police late last night in what the local police department is calling “the last straw in a Read more […]