OBG – Seventh-day Adventist Church wins copyright to term “haystacks” in historic ruling

WASHINGTON DC — In an historic Supreme Court ruling announced today, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has been awarded exclusive copyright of the term “haystacks.” The decision Read more […]

Pathfinder Master Guides lead manhunt for NY prison break convicts

UPSTATE NEW YORK — Master Guides from Pathfinder clubs across the United States have descended upon the area surrounding Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, Read more […]

Female delegates to boycott GC San Antonio

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “The General Conference San Antonio World Session has been upgraded and will now take the form of a men’s conference,” said lead organizer Solo Muchachos to Adventist press Read more […]

Caitlyn Jenner to speak at Loma Linda women’s symposium

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University confirmed today that Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner has accepted an invitation to speak at a Women’s Ministries symposium to be held at the university Read more […]

Luxury watch makers honor long-standing Adventist commitment to status symbols

BASEL, Switzerland — Baselworld, the most prestigious trade show for the international watch and jewelry industry has invited an Adventist delegation to attend its March 2016 annual event in Read more […]

NSA consults Southern’s administration on surveilance tips as anti-spying powers expire

BREAKING NEWS   COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Top NSA officials paid an emergency visit to Southern Adventist University early this morning as key anti-spying powers allowing bulk phone Read more […]

Aging male delegates handpicked to fairly represent male dominance at GC Session

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — “We are satisfied the deck is sufficiently stacked with gray heads and testosterone,” said General Conference Session logistics spokesperson Sonny Viejo to Adventist reporters Read more […]

Walla Walla unveils holding cells for seniors with unpaid bills

BREAKING NEWS COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — “Telling seniors they won’t march for graduation if they haven’t paid their school bills isn’t working,” said Will Lockem, spokesperson for Walla Read more […]