Church Politics
6-Hour Board Meeting Dissolves Into Utter Mayhem Over Revised Bulletin Board Decor
What began as a routine church meeting board at Rocky Road Adventist quickly devolved into chaos last night over a proposed redesign of the bulletin board decor in the...
Academic Freedom
Members Plead for Ceasefire Between Adventism’s Liberal and Conservative Theologians
ADVENTIST WORLD - A growing chorus of regular members has issued a desperate plea for peace between the Adventist denomination's warring theological factions.
"Listen, we...
Adventists Speak Up
Why Old School Liberals Are Irrelevant to Young Adventists
#NOTsatire
Attempting to pitch old school liberal Adventist views to today's young Adventists is a bit like trying to convince them that dial-up internet is...
Church Politics
Guy Who Never Goes to Church Turns Up To Business Meeting
Some guy who has never actually been seen at church suddenly turned up at business meeting this afternoon with a burning desire to...
Annual Council
Conference President Aggressively Marketing Problem Pastors to Foreign Mission Fields
In an epiphany at the end of a long day of meetings last year, Troubled Waters Conference President Max Trabajo decided he’d had enough...
Church Politics
Delegate Threatens to Repeatedly Send Rival’s Name Back To Committee Until He Himself is Elected Conference President
“I hope you guys weren’t planning on getting any other business done this session ‘cause I am sending this back to committee,” declared a...
Church Politics
Historian Waxes Nostalgic About The Good Old White Days Of Adventism
In an uncomfortable turn of nostalgia, an Adventist historian recently found himself yearning for the days when "what the white man said was final."
Leadership,...
Church Politics
Devil Proud of His Church Board Attendance Record
Underworld sources have confirmed that the Devil himself is beaming with pride over his impressive church board attendance record.
According to Lucifer's spokesperson, Beelzebob, the...
Adventists Speak Up
South England Conference Delegates Ace Surprise Quiz On Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’
In a daring departure from the traditional agenda of hymn-singing, lining up to argue at mics and dramatically sending newly-recommended leadership names back to...
Academic Freedom
GC Commemorates Waco By Reminding Members Not To Question Its Authority
Silver Spring, MD - In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of the Waco tragedy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has issued a statement...
Church Growth
GC Creates Mega Unions Because Church Needs More Committees
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move that has Adventists everywhere scratching their heads, the General Conference has announced the creation of a new...