Donald Trump awards Mexico wall contract to ADRA

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. — After months of being pressed for an answer on exactly how he plans to build a wall between the United States and Mexico, real estate mogul Donald Trump has announced that Read more […]

Unions reclassified as “General Conference Puppet Ministries”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Faced with several unions around the world that are creating regional rules regarding issues such as women’s ordination, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Read more […]

Ellen G. White Estate rents out Elmshaven on Airbnb

ST. HELENA, Calif. — In a fresh attempt to educate the public about the female co-founder of Seventh-day Adventism, the church has decided to rent out the best known of Ellen White’s former Read more […]

Southern OKs dance parties, calls them mime workshops

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — In a decision widely celebrated by new and returning students, Southern Adventist University has greenlighted student dance parties on campus as sanctioned social activities. Read more […]

Doug Batchelor to interview pope during US visit

GRANITE BAY, Calif. — Doug Batchelor has announced that he will be interviewing Pope Francis as part of an Amazing Facts special during the pope’s visit to the United States later this month. Read more […]

Yelp claims Dwight Nelson’s jokes are funnier by second service

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Ratings and reviews company Yelp has begun allowing parishioners to grade their ministers on their performance in the pulpit. The overall consensus in Berrien Springs, Read more […]

Taco Bell grants Adventist request, rebrands taco salad as “haystacks”

IRVINE, Calif. — In a move celebrated by Seventh-day Adventist Taco Bell-lovers across the United States, the fast-food chain has agreed to a longstanding Adventists request to rebrand all of Read more […]

Jaime Jorge to perform at tonight’s MTV Video Music Awards

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Miley Cyrus, the risk-embracing host of this year’s MTV Video Music Awards has announced that as she is in charge of tonight’s proceedings, she will be “taking a wrecking Read more […]

Doug Batchelor reunites with long-lost twin brother

GRANITE BAY, Calif. — In Doug Batchelor news completely unrelated to the papacy or women’s ordination, the much-discussed Seventh-day Adventist Evangelist announced an emotional reunion with Read more […]