Wednesday, December 11, 2024
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Christmas

Pastor’s Wife Mistaken for Holiday Decor

In a festive faux pas that has set tongues wagging throughout the Advent Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church, Sister Joy Goodcheer, wife of Pastor Nick Goodcheer, was mistakenly identified as...
Health Message

Loma Linda Researchers Claim Pumpkin Pie ‘Technically a Vegetable’

In a groundbreaking announcement that has sent shockwaves through the Adventist health community, Loma Linda University researchers have declared that pumpkin pie can now be classified as "technically a...
Pastors

Pastor Convinced Every Transfer Request Is His Fault

Pastor Gerald Meyers of the Pleasant Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church has been harboring a deep, dark secret: he's absolutely certain that every membership transfer request is a direct result of his...
Dating

Singles Ministry Launches Missionary Dating Recovery Support Group

The North American Division Singles Ministry has announced the launch of a groundbreaking support group aimed at helping Adventists recover from their missionary dating...
Carob

Nobody at Potluck Wants to Have or Eat Carob Cake

In a groundbreaking display of unanimous decision-making, the entire congregation of Peaceful Valley SDA Church demonstrated perfect unity last Sabbath by collectively avoiding Sister...
Adventist Food

Local Adventist Finally Admits Cookie Binge Was His Own Fault, Not Satan’s

In a groundbreaking moment of personal accountability, local church member Brad Thompson has publicly acknowledged that his recent demolition of an entire batch of...
Theater

New AI Algorithm Calculates Exact Distance Between Theater and Hell

In a groundbreaking development that has Adventist mathematicians buzzing, researchers at the General Conference's newly established Department of Digital Righteousness claim to have developed...

Adventist Culture

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Daniel 2 Sermon Accidentally Predicts Winning Lottery Numbers

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Pastor John Smith of the Peaceful Valley SDA Church...

Pastor Considering Eliminating Sermon Altogether Since Worship Leader Just Repeats Everything Anyway

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COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Pastor Jed Dumas of Berbose Community...

Adventist Runner Disqualified from Marathon for Refusing to Pin on Number, Citing Leviticus

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BOSTON, Mass. — An Adventist runner was disqualified from...

Adventist Baby’s First Words: “Happy Sabbath!”

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a stunning display of...

Adventist Food

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Study Reveals Favorite Adventist Hymn is Closing Hymn

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A new study has revealed the favorite hymn among...

Adventist Vacationers Spend Entire Trip Trying to Convert Hotel Staff

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Myrtle Beach, S.C. - Local Adventist couple Bob and...

Local Adventist Claims Vegetarian Diet Produces ‘Holier Emissions’

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Local Adventist health enthusiast, Gus Beanz, has declared that...

Loma Linda Researchers Discover Carob is Still Disgusting

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University...

Sabbath Observance

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GC Announces New Department: Ministry of 19th Century Nostalgia

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In a move that has left many Adventists checking...

Man Who Accidentally Ate Meat on Friday Night Claims He Can Feel His Name Being Erased from Book of Life

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In a dramatic turn of events at the Collegedale...

New ABC Bestseller: ‘Bedtime Stories for Last-Day Kids’ Series Causes Stir

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Pacific Press Publishing Association has announced the launch of...

Andrews’ New Automated Student Life Bot Programmed to Say ‘Just Pray About It’ to All Concerns

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In a groundbreaking move to modernize student services while...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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