Musk: Tunnels Can Get Adventist College Students Back to Dorms Before Curfew

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Billionaire inventor Elon Musk claims that the tunnels he is digging to help urbanites beat traffic gridlock will also have other benefits like “helping students at Adventist Read more […]

Life-Saving Grape Surgery Performed at Loma Linda

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A critically injured grape was rushed to Loma Linda University Medical Center this afternoon after a terrible fall from a local kitchen counter. Already dangerously close Read more […]

Alarming Report: Compliance Committee Meetings Cause Global Warming

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Leading climate change scientists from top research centers worldwide have issued a joint statement warning that recently-formed General Conference compliance committees are Read more […]

Pacific Union to Ordain Female Drummers

WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — In a groundbreaking statement this morning, Pacific Union Conference leaders announced a decision to commence ordination of female worship band drummers in the region. The Read more […]

NAD Sends Far Fewer Pumpkin Pies to GC This Thanksgiving

COLUMBIA, Maryland — The North American Division has sent a far smaller percentage slice of its holiday pumpkin pies to the General Conference Thanksgiving Potluck this year. Despite warnings Read more […]

Church Bathrooms to Feature Signs Demanding Sabbath Greeters Wash Hands

ADVENTIST WORLD — As of this coming Sabbath, new signage will feature in every Adventist church bathroom. The signs will command church greeters to wash their hands after using the facilities. “The Read more […]